DR. WALLACE: My parents are allowing me to have a birthday party. They said I could invite eight couples. This will be my very first party, so I'm starting early to get things planned.
One of my friends is dating an ex-boyfriend of mine. I'd like to have her come, but not if she plans to bring my ex. I despise him. He is a terrible human being. I refuse to allow him to enter my house.
Should I send my friends an invitation and just forget about inviting her? She already knows I hate this guy. Having him in attendance would ruin the party for me, and quite likely for a few other people as well. — Party Planner, Springfield, Illinois
PARTY PLANNER: Don't send your friend an invitation, but instead talk with her directly and diplomatically about your dilemma. I'm sure she will understand why she won't be invited with her boyfriend. But do mention that if she wants to come to the party stag, she will be more than welcome. If she chooses not to come alone, that will then be her decision, not yours.
MY PARENTS ARE SUPER PARENTS
DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and dating a guy who's 19. He is on his own and has an apartment. He works full-time for his uncle building new houses. Even though he hasn't gone to college, he is very intelligent.
My parents really like this guy very much. In fact, my dad thinks he's the nicest guy I've ever dated, and I've dated my share of guys.
My problem is that my parents set a rule that I can never visit his apartment — ever. This makes me feel that they don't trust me. Instead of going out all the time, once and a while, we would like to stay in and listen to music or watch television.
My dad said we could listen to music or watch television at our house. I realize that, but it's just not the same. If we planned to have sex (we are not planning to), we could accomplish this without going to his apartment.
I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Aside from this one area, I must admit my parents are really super parents! — Anonymous, Salt Lake City
ANONYMOUS: You must understand why your parents do not want you to visit your boyfriend's apartment. Of course they trust you, or they wouldn't allow you to go out with him at all. They just don't want you to be tempted by being alone with your boyfriend in his apartment. You're under 18 and are living in your parents' home at this time. Therefore, I agree with their decision and am very pleased to hear that this is the only issue you don't agree upon with your "super parents." It sounds like you have a wonderful family. Play by their rules for now. In time, you will become an adult who can make her own decisions — and her own rules!
I WANT TO LEAVE HOME IMMEDIATELY UPON MY GRADUATION
DR. WALLACE: Both my mother and father have admitted they are alcoholics. They maintain jobs but almost all of their money and much of their free time is spent on buying and drinking booze. I've tried to get them to go to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, but they refuse to even talk seriously about the topic.
I'm 16 years old, an only child and I plan to get out of this house the day after I graduate from high school. I can't do much to help my parents, so I've got to get ready to help myself.
My grandmother says I have a selfish attitude and that I should continue living at home after I graduate to keep encouraging my parents to join AA. What do you think? — Anonymous in Annapolis, Maryland
ANONYMOUS IN ANNAPOLIS: You don't have to make that decision for another year and a half. Many things can and will happen be'TWEEN now and then that could impact what you decide to do. In the meantime, I strongly encourage you to attend an Alateen meeting.
Alateen is a part of the Al-Anon Family group and is for teens who have relatives and close friends with alcohol problems. Please call their toll-free number, 888-425-2666, to speak with professionals there who can assist you. They can direct you to local meetings to meet and network with teens in your area who have had experience with parents like yours. Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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