DR. WALLACE: Our mother died three years ago and my younger brother and I live with our dad and our new stepmother. She is very nice, and although we still miss our mother, we are a happy family.

Ever since my dad remarried, my grandmother (my mother's mother) has been saying bad things about my dad. She tells me he abused my mom both mentally and physically and she thinks he never really loved her. I am positive this can't be true. My mom and I were always very close and she never ever said anything bad about our dad and they were a happy couple. Besides that, I never saw any evidence of physical abuse.

My problem is that before she died I promised my mother that I would visit Grandma regularly. I have always gone once a week to see her, but now I am thinking of stopping my visits because she always is so negative. Do you think I would be wrong if I stopped going to see her? — Nameless, Bettendorf, IA.

NAMELESS: It is sad that your grandmother has put you in this uncomfortable position. Once in a while adults forget to behave properly and this is one example. She is behaving more like a petulant child.

So it is best for you to do the adult thing and honor your promise to your mother. Visit Grandma, but if she starts belittling your father, simply stand up and tell her you have to leave. Then leave immediately without letting her even finish her sentence. After you do this once or twice she will surely get the message. If she wants your loving company, she will not be allowed to belittle your father.

MODEL TEENS ARE NOT LIMITED TO "GOOD FAMILIES"

DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend and I met at a church supper and we've been dating for over three months. He is a great guy, gets good grades in school, and has a part-time job. He also does not smoke, and is not involved with drugs or alcohol. We are both 17 and have many things in common; we both like sports, music, dancing, church activities and both of us love pizza! My parents really liked him and thought he was wonderful.

But then last week he told them that his parents drank too much and his brother was busted for selling drugs. Now they want me to stop going out with him. They say his family is dysfunctional and has given him emotional scars and that he could wind up like his brother and parents.

I don't think this is possible and you wouldn't either if you knew him. How can I convince my parents that they are not thinking clearly about him? — Shelby, Atlantic City, N.J.

SHELBY: Your parents mean well and they only want to protect you. But I agree with you. They are not thinking clearly. They panicked when they learned about his family and condemned him for the failings of others, which is inaccurate and unfair.

As a former high school administrator, I can attest that model teen citizens are not limited to only "good" families. Young people with extraordinary character often emerge from difficult family situations. Just because they have siblings who get into trouble with the law does not mean that they will also.

The better your parents get to know this young man, the more accurately they will be able to evaluate his character. Plan some activities to make this possible, such as dinner or dessert for the four of you at a nice restaurant after attending a church activity together.

GIRLS HAVE MORE TO LOSE

DR. WALLACE: Why are you so adamant in your opinion that teenage premarital sex is a no-no? Please explain from a girl's point of view. — Hannah, Waco, TX

HANNAH: Premarital teenage sex causes an enormous amount of heartbreak, anguish and emotional trauma for many young women. I've received hundreds of letters from young women who were sorry they became sexually active before marriage, and very few from those who were happy with their premarital sexual relationships. Girls have much more to lose in a premarital sexual relationship than guys.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.