I Want to Make a Good Impression

By Dr. Robert Wallace

October 19, 2023 5 min read

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 20-year-old guy in college. I've dated since I was 16, and I've made a lot of friends over the years. Most of the girls I ended up going out with even just once have remained my friends to this day.

I never felt any pressure and always felt comfortable and enjoyed the dating process. But now, I've met a 21-year-old girl at my university, and we just started dating. I'm beyond nervous because I really like her in a way I've never felt before.

And to make things even tougher, she said that her mom wants me to join them for a family dinner two weeks from Sunday! I just about broke out in a cold sweat when I heard this! Of course, I'll go to the dinner, but I'm really worried that I might not make the perfect first impression even though I want to. Any suggestions? — Nervous for the Right Reasons, via email

NERVOUS FOR THE RIGHT REASONS: Start by being yourself. You are obviously doing something quite right as you've maintained good friendships with your past girlfriends.

Take her mother a small gift or flowers. Do not spend too much money here; the idea is to be thoughtful, not manipulative. Also be prepared to look her mother in the eye, smile and be sincere. Be attentive when she speaks and listen for clues as to what she's interested in. You may be able to strike up a nice conversation with her if you pay attention to the details you can absorb; look around her home for further topics of conversation.

There could be photos of previous vacations or items in the home that point to hobbies or activities this family may enjoy.

I trust you will do fine by simply being sincere and an active listener. It's usually that simple, and don't feel too bad — your nervousness is likely as good of a sign here as her invitation implies.

I'M A CONFUSED NEWLYWED

DR. WALLACE: I'm happy to tell you that I tied the knot early this summer with my boyfriend of three years. But I'm also a bit sad as I think I'm underwhelmed with what marriage has turned out to be. Don't get me wrong; he's a nice guy and treats me well, but it's basically just the same way he's always interacted with me.

And that's just it: I was expecting marriage to be an exciting adventure with many special occasions every week, but what I've experienced so far is not much different from the past three years. I hate to use the word "boring," but unfortunately that's what floats through my mind these days. Any ideas on how I can break out of this rut? — Same Old, Same Old, via email

SAME OLD, SAME OLD: Your letter did not mention your honeymoon, but in any case, you might want to plan a series of short vacations or weekend outings. Speak to your spouse about what kind of fun activities the two of you might enjoy together, then do your best to plan everything to make these outings happen. Hiking, taking long walks and playing new sports like pickleball together may be quite enjoyable for each of you.

Beyond that, also realize that marriage is never easy for anyone at any age. Consider the fact that you are both "rookies" at marriage and are both learning as you go. Do your best to communicate your feelings tactfully with your spouse and ask for suggestions from him as well. The two of you have been together for a long time and got married willingly, so there's a wonderful bond there underneath everything else.

Do your best to count your blessings and the positives that each of you bring to your union. I trust you can find more to be thankful for than wistful about.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Brooke Cagle at Unsplash

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