DR. WALLACE: I really like my boyfriend because he's nice and sweet to me when we are alone, plus he is a perfect gentleman. We've been dating nearly five months now.
However, now that we are back at school for the new school year, he kind of acts aloof around me when we are on our high school campus. It's weird, but he behaves on campus like he does not know me that well!
He will talk to me on campus, but he won't stand too close to me, and he never holds my hand at school either. But when we are going out to a movie together or out for a hike on the weekend, he will absolutely hold my hand.
All of this makes me worried. Can I trust him? Why does he act two different ways when I'm always the same person and I'm always nice to him wherever we are? We are both 16 and I really like him, but this issue always seems to be on my mind. — This Makes Me Feel Awkward, via email
THIS MAKES ME FEEL AWKWARD: At his age, he might feel a bit shy or self-conscious showing affection in public. Many younger boys go through phases like this, so I would not worry too much about it at this point.
The good news is that he does hold hands and show you affection when the two of you are out of the eyesight of your classmates. He does talk to you at school, so that's a good sign. He is not ignoring you, so I feel he truly is likely shy in the manner I've outlined.
I suggest that in a quiet moment with him when the two of you are away from school, you could ask him directly about his issue. Just ask in a very casual way and in a nice tone of voice. Don't sound harsh or accusatory; rather just tell him what you've noticed and that you're curious about it. This should give him an opportunity to speak openly to you about this matter and hopefully the two of you can have a good laugh over it and come away feeling even closer by having discussed it.
I believe that over time, as you both mature, he'll feel more comfortable showing at least a bit of public affection towards you. Since you really like him and he's been a perfect gentleman, I suggest you give him time and space on this one issue for now.
I'M TOTALLY MISSING OUT
DR. WALLACE: I'm a girl who is 13, and this summer I was invited to four sleepovers with my friends, but each time my mom wouldn't let me go!
There are usually about 10 to 12 girls at these sleepovers and nothing bad ever happens. We usually just watch movies together, eat snacks, tell stories and laugh about funny things we've seen or funny experiences that someone tells the group.
How can I convince my mom to let me go to at least one of these events? I feel that if she lets me go to one and sees that I come home just fine the next day, then she will loosen up her constant worrying, and this will let me attend these events more regularly. How can I get my mom to let me go to even just one of these to start with? — Feeling Left Out, via email
FEELING LEFT OUT: Start by asking mom if you can host one small similar event at your home! Tell mom that instead of 10 to 12 girls that you'd like to have five or six girls come over to your place to hold one of these events.
Your mother could then of course keep a close eye on you and on the overall sleepover. Promise your mother that you'll keep everything under control and that you will help to prepare the movie, snacks, drinks and anything else that will be needed to hold such an event.
Also encourage your mother to call the parents of the other girls you wish to invite. Perhaps many of these parents could meet your mother in advance so that she could get to know them and obtain telephone numbers in case she ever would need to contact them.
If this idea works out, then you might ask mom to allow you to do it again soon where you can invite the other five or six girls that are also in your group. This way, over two events in your home, your mother could meet every single other girl and have the opportunity to meet each girl's parents as well.
Once this is accomplished, I feel your mother would then be much more amenable to allowing you to attend a similar sleepover at the home of another one of your friends. This will take time and effort on your end to pull off, but it should be worth it if you can accomplish your goal — while your mother also simultaneously becomes comfortable with the idea.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
Photo credit: cromaconceptovisual at Pixabay
View Comments