DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and dating for the first time. I could have been dating a year ago or longer, but I was extremely shy and lacked self-esteem. I was asked out many times, but I always found a way to say, "Thanks, but no thanks." Six months ago, my parents placed me in therapy to overcome shyness and it paid dividends. I'm not outgoing, but I no longer am overly shy.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over two months. He is a great guy and I care for him very much. For the first month, he was a perfect gentleman, but for the past several weeks he has been sexually aggressive. Every date, he is more aggressive than the previous one. Eventually I will either have to stop seeing him or start a sexual relationship. I'm not sure I know what I will do. I really don't want to become sexually active, but I don't want to stop seeing him. My head is telling me one thing and my heart, another. Any advice will be appreciated. — Confused, Portland, Ore.

CONFUSED: If giving in to sexual demands would guarantee a girl everlasting happiness, then I might consider re-evaluating my opinion on this matter, but that's not the way it is. I receive hundreds of letters and e-mails from young women who regret becoming sexually active. Instead of everlasting happiness, the end result was the collapse of the relationship, followed by guilt and despair. The majority of girls who give in to a boy's demand for sex in order to maintain the relationship are sorry they did.

You need never feel compelled to stay in a problematic or unsatisfactory relationship because it's the best you can do. Overcoming shyness wasn't a one-time occurrence for you. I'm positive that when you break up with this guy you will still have an active social life.

TRUST IS A PRIME INGREDIENT

DR. WALLACE: I'm 20 and engaged to be married to a super guy, whom I love dearly. He loves me very much and we should have a long and wonderful marriage. But there is one problem.

I have a guy pen pal who lives in California and I have been exchanging letters with him for more than five years. We have never met, but I would like to meet him someday.

My husband-to-be thinks that when we get married I should write to my pen pal and tell him that I no longer want to correspond with him because I'm married. I can't accept this. My pal has become a friend and I want it to remain that way.

It would be wonderful if, sometime in the future, my husband and I and our children (we want two or three) could meet my pen pal and his wife and their children.

My fiance thinks that it would be unwise for a married woman to be writing to a guy. He said that if he had a female pen pal, he would end the correspondence once he got married. We both agree that we will take your decision on who is more correct. — Nameless, Orlando, Fla.

NAMELESS: I agree with you, and think your fiance needs to work on his trust and self-esteem issues. There's no good reason for you to stop writing to your pen pal. Why should you be required to toss away five years of friendship?

The two of you need to have a serious discussion on this matter before you exchange marriage vows — possibly with the help of a trusted third party, such as a clergyman or a marriage counselor. Spouses don't "own" each other or have a monopoly interest in their friendships. Trust is a prime ingredient in a successful marriage.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.