DR. WALLACE: I'm a single mother, and I have two children: a daughter who's 17 and a son who's 12. Both are good kids, but at her age, my daughter definitely presses me to allow her to do as much of what she wants as possible on a regular basis. She's increasingly more interested in her agenda than what's best for our household.

Several times recently, I've wanted to have a serious discussion with her about an important topic to me. However, each time, she deftly avoids this by magically having to be at something she's late for! She'll literally say, "Gotta run," and she promises to talk to me about it later, but in her world, "later" can be indefinitely postponed on a continuous basis.

My son is watching all of this with two big wide eyes, so I know he's absorbing her strategies gradually every time he sees her in action. What can I do about this? I don't want to lose the rapport I have with my daughter at this important part of both of our lives, but I don't want her to avoid having serious discussions with me either. — Daughter's a Pro With Evasiveness, via email

DAUGHTER'S A PRO WITH EVASIVENESS: You need to dispense your next words with her carefully but confidently. Let her know that the two of you will be having a scheduled talk that you're going to set the coordinates for immediately. Tell her that her attendance to this talk is mandatory, not discretionary.

Let her know that you have a lot of faith and trust in her but that your important discussion is going to come before she's allowed to resume her busy social life. This should get the message across. If possible, do this within earshot of your son so that you get a double dip of effectiveness from this conversation.

Also take care to be certain that you are fully and completely prepared before you do this, in case she's ready to do it right then and there in the moment! You certainly don't want to have her take you up on your offer to hold the discussion and for you to be the one to defer it to a different time, even if it's only a handful of hours or a day or two into the future.

Make this happen, say your peace, but do it with a smile and a hug, and I trust things will work out well with your daughter, and your son will also start absorbing the effective way you're running the household.

MY SON'S AMBITION IS DISCONNECTED FROM REALITY

DR. WALLACE: My wife recommended that I write to you because of our 19-year-old son. He lives at home and has recently started a new career, one that we both not only disapprove of but thoroughly think is a waste of his time and effort.

He wants to become a stand-up comedian, as he thinks he'll either find fame and fortune or will get noticed and become an actor based on his stand-up routines. He signed up for some sort of "Learning Annex"-type of class that he barely scraped up the money to attend, and their graduation from the class included being given 10 minutes onstage to perform at a local comedy club on a Monday night.

My wife and I attended his performance, and to be kind to him, all I'll say is that it was beyond cringeworthy. Not only was it not funny, but it was hard to watch, especially since we see him throwing his time away with this useless pipe dream that will never come to fruition.

So far, we haven't charged him rent to live at home, but at the age of 19, at some point, we want to encourage him to stand on his own two feet. By that we mean getting a job that actually provides some sort of regular and rewarding pay, not creeping around dingy nightclubs for no laughs and no paycheck.

How can I get him to see the reality of his situation and start doing something else? There are many great apprentice jobs available in various trades these days, as there's a shortage of workers nationwide for these specialized jobs. And best of all, they pay tremendous salaries once the skill is effectively learned. I'm a tradesman myself, but he's ignored all my encouragement to give it a try. — We Need Him to Address Reality, via email

WE NEED HIM TO ADDRESS REALITY: At the age of 19, he can certainly make his own decisions, whether or not you approve of them. You do have the right to put him out of your house if you would prefer to do that, but I take it from the tone of your letter that you love and care for him, and you want him to succeed in a line of work other than comedy while he still lives at home with your family.

Having said that, it's likely best to allow him to continue his stand-up dreams, at least for the time being, while still supporting him at home. At some point, if he's not able to succeed, he'll begin to realize this, and you can be ready at that juncture to see about steering him in another direction when the opportunity arises.

However, what I don't recommend that you do is allow him to use his stand-up dreams as a reason to live at home, free of charge, indefinitely. At some point, you should start charging him for food and board at a moderate rate, and tell him you'll be raising it gradually as you go forward, whether he's doing stand-up or not.

Take the time to explain to him that you want to help him and see him succeed in whatever he chooses to do. But explain that at his age, he needs to start learning how to pay his own way in this big world that is stretched out in front of him.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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