DR. WALLACE: I'm a teenage girl and I have a great mom. She knows what's reasonable and what's not. There are times I'll go to her and ask her if I can do this or that and she'll shut me down right away and say no. Even though I don't like that, I have to admit later that she was right.

Then there are other times when she tells me, "I suppose so if your father doesn't mind," which is her way of letting me do reasonable things, but on the edge of what I normally would and wouldn't be allowed to do. Normally, when this happens, I don't say anything my father since he's largely uninvolved in the day-to-day workings of our family since he's gone working many hours a day at his job.

Well, the other day, my father found out about one of the things my mother let me do and he got really upset with me and also with my mom. But my mother explained that she said, "I suppose so, as long as it's all right with your father," and this indeed covered her. My father cooled off with my mother, but he then asked me why I didn't check with him. I told him because he was always busy.

He grounded me for a weekend because of this and told me that I have to check with him before I do things when my mother mentions him while giving me her approval. Now I'm stuck, because when I go to my father with certain things, he's going to shut me down 95% of the time. How can I avoid having to check on every single thing with my father? If he starts getting involved in all the decisions, my social life will grind to a halt. — My Father Shuts Me Down, via email

MY FATHER SHUTS ME DOWN: You indeed have a dilemma and it's of your own doing. Your father has every right as a parent to be involved in setting rules for your social life as long as you are under 18 years of age or live in the family home beyond the age of 18.

At this point, my advice as to the best thing you can do is just sit down and have an open discussion with your mother. See if you can find out what specific things she will approve of you doing herself directly without checking in with your father. These guidelines should at least give you some access to your social life, even if you're not able to push the envelope as far as you previously were used to doing.

You'll have to give up some ground in areas that would cause strife between your mother and father if she gave you an explicit yes approval without having to check with him. But there should definitely be things she can approve without checking with him. You want to stretch that window as reasonably wide as you can, but you'll have to respect the situation enough to not go any further and cause trouble for yourself, for your mother or your entire household.

HE TOLD THE WAITRESS "WE EAT LIKE GANGSTERS!"

DR. WALLACE: I have a good friend who often invites me out to get a "snack" together at various places he likes. But once we get there, the word "snack" is completely gone from his vocabulary. He orders anything and everything and one time, as the waitress was handing us the menus, he looked up at her and said to her, "We're going to eat like gangsters!"

What followed that time for him was two starters, two entrees and a massive dessert as well. I ate more than I was originally planning, but far, far less than half of what he ate. When the bill came, he quickly calculated the tip, put some cash down for his "half" of the bill and told me he was heading to the restroom. He was gone a long time. When the waitress came around, I scooped up his cash and paid the bill with a debit card I have.

Since then, he has invited me out to go out for "snacks" on three occasions and I turned him down every time. So far he hasn't said anything, but I know at some point he's going to press me hard to know why I'm not going out to eat with him anymore. How can I avoid this situation in getting stuck paying for half of the overall bill when he gorges himself? - He Eats a Lot But Pays a Little, via email

HE EATS A LOT BUT HE PAYS A LITTLE: Let him know in the future you don't want to go on any decadent eating sprees with him, as you can't afford it. Literally tell him that if he wants to keep it down to a "snack," you'll bring just a little bit of money and you'll order carefully what is within your budget. Tell him if he wants to feast, he needs to get his own separate check for this.

And while you're explaining this to him, literally laugh, look right at him and tell him that no matter how much he eats, as long as he pays for it himself, you'll provide good conversation to him for free!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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