DR. WALLACE: I am a senior in high school, and one of a group of a half a dozen girls who are all friends and get together regularly for various events and fun times. When the conversation turns to our love interest, all of the other girls seem to go on and on about their boyfriends, often in gushing terms, and each tries to make their romance sound more perfect than the previous one.

I have a nice boyfriend, but we are not the "hot and heavy" romantic types at this point in our lives. He's steady, funny, smart, a great student and a great friend. But because all they talk about is romance, I usually stay quiet and don't speak up much when these conversations evolve.

However, I have the feeling I'm not going to be able to stay silent this entire school year. I need to have some kind of strategy to chime in here and there when these discussions occur but do so in a way that is congruent with my current situation and my personal integrity. Any ideas? — We're Not That Kind of Couple, via email

WE'RE NOT THAT KIND OF COUPLE: When the time is right and you are comfortable speaking about your boyfriend, do so in a way that shows your affection for him and his accomplishments. For example, if he's applying to a certain college that he's proud of, or he did very well at work or with his studies, mention that. And if he told you a particularly funny story or clean joke that is worth repeating, repeat it to your group.

Then, if someone tries to move your comments over to the more salacious side of things, simply say that the two of you agreed long ago to keep your private lives private and that you care enough for him to keep your word to him. Give everyone a big smile and say no more!

THEY BOTH DOUBLE-CROSSED ME!

DR. WALLACE: I'm in the seventh grade and I had a boyfriend who I met in the middle of this past summer. I also met another girl towards the end of the summer, and we became friends before this new school year started. She and I and my boyfriend all attend the same middle school right now.

Well, by the second week of school, she had gone behind my back to ask my boyfriend out on a date, and he actually went with her! Now they are hanging out a lot together and I don't have a steady boyfriend anymore. And now at this point I don't feel like being friends with this girl anymore either.

As for my former boyfriend, I don't care about him now since if he would that easily take off with somebody else, I don't want him back. But I feel particularly stung by this girl who was supposedly my friend. She absolutely intentionally siphoned off my boyfriend behind my back. How can I get even with her? — I Was Double-Crossed, via email

I WAS DOUBLE-CROSSED: Technically, I wouldn't advise you to try to get even with her or anyone else at this moment in your life, or anytime in your life in the future. Trying to get even with another person burns up time, emotional energy and future positive opportunities that may be in front of you.

The best thing to do in a situation like this is to learn a lesson, albeit a hard one. Realize that anyone you've met for a short period of time hasn't been vetted long enough for you to truly know their character in more detail. It's fine to give new friends a chance, but don't become emotionally invested in them all at once. Do so gradually over time, and for good reason once they demonstrate their true colors. Some say nothing is greater in life than a true friend that you know you can count on at any point in time. This only occurs gradually, and with multiple examples of why a friend is valuable, and a deep friendship should also cut both ways in such a positive manner. Each friend should eventually feel that the other one truly has their back.

From here, seek to make new friends of all types. You may find guys you wish to date and girls you'd enjoy potentially becoming true friends with. Put the two people who disappointed you in your rearview mirror and move forward as if nothing bothered you at all. This is the best way to proceed.

Focus on yourself and your now and in the future, and don't spend another moment evening considering revenge. Revenge is usually toxic anyway and a dirty little secret about revenge is that it's vastly overrated. Many people who do engage in "successful" short-term revenge often have deep regrets about it later in life. Keep your conscience and integrity clean and move forward with confidence that you'll find great friends you treasure over time.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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