DR. WALLACE: I was looking forward to dating a certain guy this year at my high school, but when we all got back into our classes, I never saw him anywhere.

I started asking around to see if he was just in other classes that I was not aware of and finally somebody told me that had gotten into so much trouble over the summer that he was sent to a remedial high school about 20 miles away. He doesn't really know me, and I don't know him at all yet, but I've always had my eye on him. He was dating another girl at our school all of last year, but I heard over the summer that they had broken up, so I was hoping to try to see if I could engage him in a conversation and maybe even start dating.

Now I'm thinking of trying to find him at this other school, but my friends all think this is not a good idea. One of them even said she heard from her mother that he got into some pretty severe trouble, so bad that the mother wouldn't even go into the details with her.

My heart says yes but my head says no when it comes to thinking about tracking down this guy. Do you think that if I find him at this other school, and he rebuffs me right away, this will allow me to put them out of my mind forever? — Still Wanting to Date Him, via email

STILL WANTING TO DATE HIM: I recommend that you seek to move on without ever going over to that other school in search of him.

Some people in some situations are better left alone, and this certainly sounds like one of them. The fact that one of the other adults in your community knows the unsavory details to the point of not wanting to discuss them with her own daughter should be all the warning you need to stay away.

Listen to your friends on this matter. There will be many other opportunities for you to date suitable candidates at your high school this year.

DR. WALLACE: I accepted a wedding invitation over a month ago and the wedding is coming up in the middle of October.

Without going into a long story, I'd like to find a graceful way to "send my regrets" now even though I did confirm my attendance back when I originally received the invitation.

One of my girlfriends told me that I'm now locked into the wedding and that there is no way I can opt out a month before the big day. Is this true? — No Longer Wish to Attend, via email

NO LONGER WISH TO ATTEND: You are not locked into this wedding, but you do owe it to the couple getting married to inform them of your change in plans immediately.

Your letter did not provide me any details as to why you won't be attending, so I will not speculate at all on that side of the matter. What I can tell you is that you should as quickly as possible provide a sincere apology, both verbally and in writing.

You do not have to feel obligated to go into details as to why things have changed on your end. You do need to give them as much notice as you can right now. And if you need a line to use, I suggest you say that "certain circumstances have changed in my life that will preclude me attending your big day. I'll be there in spirit and thank you most kindly for your kind invitation."

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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