DR. WALLACE: My best friend likes scary movies, and I don't, so what can I tell her? We are both teenage girls and she has been begging me for weeks to go with her to the movies to see this particular scary movie that she thinks will be "awesome" — to use her word in describing it.

So far, I've been able to make excuses about why I can't go to the movies with her, but now that we are back at school, our group of friends usually goes out to see a movie at least every other weekend. I'm pretty sure I'm going to run out of excuses soon, and then I'll be trapped. Do you have any suggestions for me about this? I know if I go to one of these stupid scary movies I'll have nightmares for months, and I don't want to put myself through that again. — Not Into Being Scared, via email

NOT INTO BEING SCARED: I know this may sound counterintuitive to you, but simply tell her the truth in the way that you told it to me here. Let her know that although she's your close friend, one of your human frailties is that watching a scary movie will impact your sleep patterns for many months after viewing. For this reason you wish to pass on going to that specific movie.

Let her know that we all have certain likes and dislikes, and that unfortunately these types of movies don't sit well with you. Let her know you'd love to go see other movies with her, but just not those in this particular genre.

Also take the time to ask her one weekend to do one of her favorite activities together, whatever that may be (as long as it's not another scary movie!) This way the two of you will have fun doing something she enjoys, and you can demonstrate your bond with her so that she fully understands that you wishing to opt out of a scary movie has nothing to do with her personally.

A good friend usually always supports another truthful friend, so open up and be honest with her. It's all right to tell her that you find this a bit embarrassing to admit, but that it is true all the same. I feel this type of honesty will serve you much better than trying to make endless excuses as to why you can't go to the movies with her.

I'M NOT DOWN WITH BRAINWASHING

DR. WALLACE: One of my friends recently told me that some parents are using brainwashing techniques with their teenagers these days. I think the idea is to control them or leverage them and maybe even get them to always do what one parent wants them to do. I only kind of understand the concept, but now I'm worried that maybe my own parents are doing this to me! How can I tell if my parents are brainwashing me? — Don't Want to Be Brainwashed, via email

DON'T WANT TO BE BRAINWASHED: Parental alienation via brainwashing is often considered to be in play when one or the other parent engages in parental alienation behavior in an effort to manipulate or damage a child's relationship with the other parent.

This type of alienation can do serious damage to a child's mental and physical health. A child who is brainwashed against one parent by the other may become distant from one parent and can also begin to resent and disrespect the other parent. When a child shows signs of alienation, immediate action steps are needed to stop it as quickly as possible to prevent further damage.

The above is the most common situation where I hear the word "brainwashed" tossed around. You might check with your friend to see if the parents in this family are at odds with each other and/or are living apart and exacerbating family drama in this way.

In other cases, the word "brainwashing" is overused and inaccurate when describing earnest parents working together to train, mold or instill good decision-making skills in their teens. This is normal, even if the teens involved are not always happy with the rules that apply. In no way are setting rules, expectations for behavior and encouraging good habits "brainwashing."

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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