DR. WALLACE: I'm a 19-year-old woman, and I'm engaged to a wonderful guy. We plan to get married in a few months. I know my fiance loves me very much, because he consistently demonstrates this in big and little ways. He treats me like I want to be treated, so I couldn't ask for a more compassionate, sweet and honorable guy to be with.

My only concern is that I'm not 100% positive that I am deeply in love with him. Still, I'm pretty certain that I'm going to marry this guy. I do love him. In fact, all of my friends and relatives always tell me how lucky I am to have found him and how well they notice he treats me. And all of that is indeed true.

In my past, I've dated guys who I knew I loved, but the sad reality is that I was treated like dirt by each one of them, so I eventually wised up and broke those relationships off. Now I have a great guy, but I guess I'm missing the danger and volatility of my past loves. I'm ashamed to feel this way, but it's true. Here's my question: Do you think women in my position wind up truly loving the guy they married, even if they were not totally sure on their wedding day? — Not 100% Yet, via email

NOT 100% YET: It sounds like you're making the right decision, based on what I can gather from your letter. Yes, I do believe you and most people can learn to love someone who has a good heart and who truly loves you — just as you can fall out of love with someone who at first sweeps you off of your feet. The key is working on your relationship to be honest, open and caring.

Love can be fickle, flickering and, at times, foolish and emotional. That seems to be the kind of love you have felt in the past — for guys who treated you "like dirt." No one deserves that. I applaud you for choosing to break away from that pattern of your earlier life and to now consider taking a vow to love a decent, caring man. However, this decision must be one that you find yourself at peace with. If you need a bit more time than a few months, by all means, request this time from your fiance, as it sounds like he would be understanding and give you the space you need to be sure.

There is another kind of love, one that is stable, deep and long-lasting. This type of love almost always grows and strengthens over time. It may be that you are on this particular path in your situation, so I wish this kind of love for you and your fiance, and based on your heartfelt letter, I'm confident that you two have an excellent opportunity to attain it.

I CHOOSE TO SEEK OUT MY BIRTH MOTHER

DR. WALLACE: I just finished reading a letter in one of your columns from an adopted girl who was extremely happy with her adoptive parents and didn't want to find out who her birth mother was. I found that both interesting and surprising, because it seems that we always hear that adopted children pine to meet their birth mothers once they become adults themselves.

Well, that's all well and good. I, too, was adopted as a baby, and I love my adopted parents, but I do want to search for my birth mother. I want to obtain as much information as I can, including her medical history! I seek this for myself and for my children so that I can know in advance if we have any propensities for diseases or any other physical or mental challenges.

Oh, yes, and I also want to meet my birth mother to give her a big hug and tell her that I love her and that I want to make her part of my life. Don't get me wrong. I don't want my birth mom to replace my adopted parents. They are wonderful and will always truly be Mom and Dad to me! — Seeking My Birth Mom, via email

SEEKING MY BIRTH MOM: More power to you! I wish you the best of luck on your quest. Choosing to seek out one's birth mother is, of course, a highly individual decision.

What's important is to have the love and support of your adoptive parents, no matter what you decide to do. Also be prepared to give you birth mom time and space to make the adjustment toward getting to know you if she needs it. These types of reunions often go well, but remember that your birth mother has faced a lifetime of emotional stress by doing what she felt was best for your life back then. I wish you both a happy, loving reunion when the time comes.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Pexels at Pixabay