DR. WALLACE: Whenever you answer a letter from a student who is being bullied, it's always from a boy. Girls get bullied from other girls. Girl bullies can be very vicious. Sometimes they are worse than boy bullies.

I was bullied at my old school and now I'm at a new school and I'm not being bullied. I can't tell you how happy I am at my new school. Being bullied is a thing of the past for me. — Anonymous, Springfield, Ma.

ANONYMOUS: When we all talk about bullies, we tend to focus exclusively on guys. In our mind's eye, the face of a bully is usually male. This turns out to be a mistake. You are correct. Some girls can and do inflict misery on other girls.

While boys are usually more physical than girls and more likely to be involved in fights, girls rule when it comes to inflicting psychological violence on one another, according to a study of the U.S students in grades six through 10 published in the Journal of the American Medical Association. Boys were more likely than girls to bully or be bullied, but not by a whole lot. Female bullying has made high school miserable for many young women and has often left lasting pain.

The fact is that girls usually don't fear boys; they fear other girls. Almost 14 percent of the girls surveyed reported being bullied by a female student weekly or even more often; another 22 percent said they'd been bullied at least once or twice during the school year.

While both boys and girls commonly bullied with mean looks, words, texts or emails, girls were more apt to use false rumors or sexual comments and, if necessary, would try to destroy another girl's reputation. Some of the most vicious fights on school grounds are between girls, according to the study.

The problem of girl vs. girl is much more severe than parents and educators are usually aware of. Many people still see girls as "sugar and spice and everything nice." Some are, some aren't! It's time parents and especially school personnel identify bullying behavior among females and seek to eliminate it.

I'm very pleased that you are enjoying your new school and that bullying is a thing of the past for you. Most people don't realize that terror and trauma a student suffers from being bullied. Only the student who is being bullied can relate. It's a terrible, lonely feeling. At your new school keep an eye out for others who might be experiencing being bullied. Don't be afraid to speak up or intervene if you notice any such problems. Your unique experience could really help - or even save — a fellow student someday. Thank you for your excellent viewpoint and comments.

AN INSIGHTFUL, THOUGHTGUL FOLLOW-UP

DR. WALLACE: I would like to comment on the girl who said that her parents compared her to a cousin just to encourage her to do better academically. Your response was very true. Her parents were making a huge mistake and they need to stop this practice immediately.

Here is my story. I fully believe parents should encourage their children, but not by comparison with others. My mother always compared me unfavorably to my many cousins. In her eyes, I was either too fat, or my grades were not good enough in comparison to my cousins.

Now time has passed and I'm the vice president of a health care system. I have a Master's Degree in my chosen field of study; I earn a good salary and have a wonderful, challenging career. None of my cousins have my educational or professional status now that they are adults. That's really not important now, but I often think back to the days when I felt "inferior" to them.

Thanks to my mother, I still struggle with low self-esteem, a remnant of feeling like a failure when compared to my cousins. Is it possible that parents who use comparison as a motivational tool for their children are really trying to compensate for their own feelings of in adequacy when they were young? — Still struggling, via email

STRUGGLING: I congratulate you on overcoming your situation as a youngster and going on to do so well with your life. If possible, my advice now is to speak openly to your mother in person about how you felt back then but do so in a very respectful and non-judgmental way. Remember to give her a hug too as you bring this up. Parents are human and of course not perfect. She may not even have known the depth of how this made you feel back then, and that it lingers on your mind even now. At the very least you will feel much better getting this matter off of your chest. I also feel that many other parents who read this will reconsider their actions and motivate their children in a more loving way after hearing your story. Parents sometimes have emotional scars that they carry forward in their lives, and some pass them along unconsciously to their own children. A story like yours can be enlightening and helpful for both parents and teens. Thanks for sharing it with our readers.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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