DR. WALLACE: I saw my best friend cheat during a pop quiz in our summer school class last week! I feel frozen by what I've witnessed, so I haven't said anything to her or the teacher yet.
The funny thing is that this pop quiz doesn't really factor much into our overall grades; it's more practice for a more formal test that we're going to have soon.
On the one hand, I really don't want to turn my best friend into the teacher and risk ruining our friendship, but on the other hand, I don't want to condone cheating by simply looking the other way and doing nothing. Is there anything I can do at this point? — Wish I Didn't See That, via email
WISH I DIDN'T SEE THAT: You are indeed in the midst of a moral dilemma. Fortunately for you, as you mentioned, this was only a pop quiz that will have virtually no impact on her grade in this class.
Therefore, in my opinion, this provides you an opportunity to confront your friend directly without saying anything to your teacher.
Let your friend know exactly what you witnessed and how much it bothered you. Tell her directly that if you notice her cheating in class again, you'll have no choice but to inform the teacher. Then immediately follow that up by telling her that she's your best friend and you really want to help her. Ask her if you can help her to study for the future test or if you can provide her any other support that will help her become a better student so that she does not feel the need to go outside of the rules in order to try to keep up with the class material.
HE'S TRYING TO MANIPULATE HER AGAIN
DR. WALLACE: My girlfriend has recently been contacted this summer by her ex-boyfriend. They've been apart for nearly a year, and I've been with her for six months.
Once she and I got together, and she got to know me pretty well, she opened up and told me about how verbally and mentally abusive he could be to her at times. She was close to his mother, so now this troll of a guy is telling her that his mother misses her and wants to see her again very much. Of course, this is all a new form of his manipulation.
How can I get her to realize this, and do it in such a way that I do not offend her? I also don't want to stand by and let this guy reenter her life simply to find a manipulative way to break us up so that he can try to pursue her again. — That Guy Disgusts Me, via email
THAT GUY DISGUSTS ME: You're wise to take measured steps carefully rather than try to tell your current girlfriend what to do here. You can start by saying that if his mother truly wanted to see her so urgently, she would have likely reached out to your girlfriend herself.
Another approach would be to involve a trusted adult, one your girlfriend will listen to. This may be one of her parents, aunts, uncles, teachers or counselors. All you can do is suggest going over this topic in detail with a trusted adult and see if she's open to the idea.
At any point if you try to tell your girlfriend explicitly what to do, or begin manipulating her in any way, you'll be playing a lighter version of his game. Stand your ground, maintain your integrity and provide her every opportunity to see through this nonsense. If, for some reason, she persists in engaging with him, this may tell you a lot about the stability of your current relationship.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
Photo credit: Ben Mullins at Unsplash
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