DR. WALLACE: My daddy was a very bad guy for most of his life. My mom, my younger sister and I were all actually happy when he was sent to prison for four years about three-and-a-half years ago. Well, the four years will be up right before Christmas this year, as he is getting out and wants to return to our house. We heard this from his brother (my uncle), who visited him a few weeks ago.

Right before he was arrested and sent to prison, my parents were divorced. My mother has worked hard ever since to give us a safe home. Now things are crazy with COVID-19, and I hear that many prisoners have contracted the virus, so I'm afraid that if my father comes over to our house after he gets out, he might pass this plague to one or all of us.

I'm only 16 and just starting out in life, so I don't want our father to return to our house, no matter how much he says that his life has changed. My mother doesn't know what to do. She has gone to our church pastor, and he advised her not to allow her ex-husband to return to our home.

We want him to do well in life once he gets out, but I must tell you that what he did was bad, and he didn't care about us at all for the year before he got caught doing all of his bad stuff. I kind of feel guilty that I feel the way I do, but I can't help it. Am I a bad person for wanting to avoid my father? — Estranged Daughter, via email

ESTRANGED DAUGHTER: Your father is likely expecting you all to quickly forgive him, but after a traumatic set of actions and experiences like those that landed him in jail, it's relatively normal for family members to require some space to see how the potentially rehabilitated person acts upon trying to restart and reclaim a successful, stable, ethical life.

I suggest you adopt this position if it makes sense and resonates with you. You don't have to tell your father (directly or via your uncle) that you'll never want to see him again. Instead, say you need more time and are rooting for him to regain control of his life. Then you can see how he does, and you'll also age a little yourself. As you age, your feelings on this topic may evolve, so I feel it's wise for you not to become too dogmatic or locked in to any one position at the tender age of 16.

With the passage of time, you'll be able to evaluate how your mother handles things as well.

We all would like for your father to return to society rehabilitated and to become a law-abiding citizen. This may or may not happen, but the happiness and security of your present family is much more important than providing her father with a place to live immediately upon his release. I agree with your pastor, who gave your mother excellent advice as a starting point.

YOU ARE A WOMAN COMMITTING A CRIME

DR. WALLACE: I'm a woman of 19, soon to be 20 (in October), and the guy I'm seeing is 15, but he turns 16 in November, so we are really only four years apart. My own parents are five years apart in age!

I graduated from high school two years ago and have a full-time office job that pays quite well. I have enough money to pay for all of our dates, plus buy my guy some clothes, too. My problem is that his parents don't like me and don't want us to see each other at all. His father makes snide remarks to me such as, "Find a guy your own age" and, "You're robbing the cradle" whenever he sees my car pull up in their driveway.

This makes it very hard for us to spend a lot of time together. We're sexually active, and I think his parents are aware of this because his mother found several condoms in his room two weeks ago.

I'm aware that if an adult male has consenting sex with an underage girl, he could be charged with statutory rape because it would be possible for the minor girl to become pregnant while she's a minor. But my situation is the total opposite! If I get pregnant, I'm an adult, so he can't get into any trouble at all. It would be my "situation" to resolve completely on my own, as I'm an adult who can make her own decisions. Why won't society accept that sometimes an older woman finds a younger man attractive? — Older Woman With a Young Beau

OLDER WOMAN: Statutory rape involves an adult and a consenting minor. Wise up, and find someone your own age to satisfy your desires. You are indeed committing statutory rape as well as contributing to the delinquency of a minor. He's not a "younger man"; he's an underage boy!

You have been committing a crime on an ongoing basis. I suggest you immediately end this relationship before your freedom evaporates when you least expect it to. Frankly, I can't understand how you are not aware of this prior to writing to me, but it's my duty to tell you the facts as they are. Wise up.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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