DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and in love with a wonderful guy who is four years older than I. We are totally compatible and he confesses to love me more than any girl he has ever gone out with, and believe me, there have been many. This guy treats me like every girl in the world would like to be treated. He has a college degree and a good job working at a large bank.

The only concern I have is that he consumes a lot of alcohol. He says that he enjoys alcohol, but that he has his alcoholic intake under control. It's true that I have never seen him so drunk that he couldn't function rationally, but several times I had to drive him home when he had consumed a bit too much booze.

This guy has asked me to marry him, but I haven't yet given him an answer. The reason is that I do not want to marry a guy with a drinking problem. My father was an alcoholic and he made my mother's life miserable almost every day of her life. She died at age 43 and I feel it was my father's drinking that drove mom to her grave.

I don't want my life to be ruined by an alcoholic partner. I never drink. How can I tell if this guy can control his alcohol or if he is in the early stage of becoming a full-blown alcoholic? Any information would be deeply appreciated. — Anonymous, via email

ANONYMOUS: It's extremely difficult to predict what way a consumer of alcohol will go. Some stay "social" drinkers, and some become alcoholics, while others stop drinking altogether. While working with teens over the years that experienced severe psychological problems at a Healthcare Medical Center in Southern California, I've had the opportunity to observe 12 key questions being asked of teens that suspected a sibling or parent might have a serious drinking problem. The following questions were asked:

Has the person stayed home from school or work more than once because of drinking?

—Does the person drink to feel more confident or to build self-esteem?

—Does the person drink alone?

—Does the person drink to escape problems?

—Does the person feel guilty after being drunk?

—Does it bother the drinker if someone accuses him of drinking too much?

—Does the drinker need alcohol when stressed?

—Has the drinker lost friends because of drinking?

—Has the drinker ever been arrested for being under the influence?

—Has the drinker ever been obnoxious and ruined a special occasion?

—Does the drinker feel a sense of power or well being when drinking?

—Has the drinker ever felt the need to apologize for his or her behavior after drinking?

Each question that requires a yes answer is a warning signal of a problem in the making. If the person answered yes to three or more questions, it was agreed that there's a definite problem with alcohol and treatment was prescribed.

I realize that this is not a scientific test, but it should give you an indication of the severity of your boyfriend's drinking pattern. Give a lot of thought to a decision that will greatly influence the rest or your life.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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