DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and my older brother is 20. Both of us are high school graduates and are out on our own. We both support ourselves with decent-paying, full-time jobs. My brother lives in an apartment with his best friend and I live in an apartment with two of my friends.

My mom and dad are divorced and both are remarried now. When Mom was married to my dad, she was very outgoing and had a lot of fun. Unfortunately, the fun she enjoyed didn't include my dad. When Mom married Dave, my stepfather, she started behaving herself.

That's good, but she behaves herself so much that she won't go anyplace unless she is accompanied by Dave. If he won't go, she won't go. I've tried, and so has my brother, to get her to go places with us, but she always refuses unless Dave is included. I guess she's afraid she might slip back into her "fun" days, but I can promise you that this would never happen if she were out with us. I don't dislike Dave, but sometimes I'd like to be alone with my mother away from her house, but that has become impossible.

What can I do to get Mom out of the house and alone? For a while I thought she was unhappy, but she told me she is totally at peace with herself and has never been happier in her life. I know this sounds odd, but it's all true. What can I do to get Mom to quit hanging on her new husband's coattails and gain some independence? — Teri, St. Louis, Mo.

TERI: Any human being who is "totally at peace and has never been happier in her life" doesn't need anything but love from her husband and her children. Be happy that she's happy and drop the idea of getting her alone out of the house. When she feels secure about her new life, she'll claim her own independence. For now, just enjoy her happiness.

IT WAS LOVE FOR ME, LUST FOR HIM

DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend and I dated for over a year and we were not sexually active. Then in our junior year he said that he loved me so much that he wanted us to get married after we graduated from high school. That's what I wanted to hear because I thought I loved him and wanted to be his wife. That night we had sex for the first time and after that we had sex every time we went out.

After we graduated, I asked him when we would be getting married but he said that he wasn't sure. Then a couple of weeks later this guy told me that he had met another girl and that our relationship was over. I was shocked and begged him not to leave me. All he said was that he was sorry and that he had enjoyed our time together.

It turned out that all he really wanted from me was sex. I was depressed for a long time but finally realized that he didn't really love me — he just used me. I'm very fortunate that I didn't get pregnant because there were times we didn't use protection.

I'm now over this guy and as it turns out, I'm glad I didn't marry him because our marriage would have been a short one. For me, it was love; for him, it was lust.

Girls, before you get into a serious sexual relationship without a wedding, please remember me. I was a foolish, star-struck young lady who made a terrible mistake. Please don't make the same mistake that I did. It's not hard to do and a lot of stupid things can happen when you think that you are in love. — Nameless, Sulphur, La.

NAMELESS: Thanks for sharing.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.