DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and the girl I like is 16. We go to the same private high school. She is a very intelligent young lady. When I started dating her she had a 3.86 grade point average. Her parents were born in Korea and they put a lot of importance on grades.

She is not permitted to date because her parents feel that dating will interfere with her high GPA. That means we have to see each other without her parents' knowing about it. Since we have been dating, her GPA has risen to 3.90, so you can see I have been a part of her GPA raising, not falling.

I don't like to sneak around to see her. I would very much like to have a normal boy-girl relationship. Would I be out of line if I went to her parents and told them that I had been seeing their daughter and that during that time her GPA has risen? — Nameless, Garden Grove, Calif.

NAMELESS: Talking to her parents is far more likely to make things worse for you than better. Your best ally right now is patience.

It's up to the girl to convince Mom and Dad that it's time for her to start a social life. She should assure them that she can do this without hurting her grades. And she may have to promise that, if her grades do slip, she would go back to the all-study-and-no-play plan.

I realize their rules put you both in a frustrating position, but I advise you not to defy her parents' wishes. Remain friends with her, but don't sneak out with her behind her parents' backs.

MAINTAIN RELATIONSHIP WITH DAD

DR. WALLACE: My parents recently announced that, after 16 years of marriage, they are getting divorced. Already my dad has moved out of the house. I can't believe this is happening. I asked Mom if there was any chance they will get back together and she said, "No, it's impossible."

I'm totally devastated! I love my parents, both of them, very much. I already miss my dad even though he calls me every other evening. I'm going through a rough time in my life. I'm afraid of the future, but I don't want to dwell on the past. I'm also embarrassed when my friends want to know what happened. Is there anything I can do to make me feel better? — Julie, St. Catharines, Ontario.

JULIE: My heart goes out to you. There's no pain-free way to weather a divorce. All I can tell you is that emotional wounds, like physical wounds, heal with the passing of time.

Researchers Kelly and Wallerstein, who have studied children of divorced families, found that within about three years of a divorce, "The widespread fears, the grief, the shocked disbelief...faded, or disappeared altogether."

One of the keys to surviving divorce is organization. Your family, minus your dad, must be reorganized. Things your dad did when he was at home must now be assigned to other family members. Who is going to prepare meals, pay bills, do the laundry and take care of the lawn? It will also take time for Mom to get back on her feet emotionally.

Do everything possible to give moral support and lots of love and understanding to Mom and other family members bruised by the divorce. Yes, three years is a long time to heal, but today is a bit better than yesterday and tomorrow will have more sunshine than today. Do all you can to maintain your relationship with your dad.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.