DR. WALLACE: This fall, I planned a trip to visit my best friend at college. I am so excited to visit her campus to experience what college away from home is like as I am going to a local college myself this fall.

Her school has a lot of school spirit and has most everything that many people would want for their college experience. I think it will be a great opportunity for me to visit schools away from home that I could potentially transfer to when I'm ready to do so. The one thing I am worried about, though, is the party scene there. I've already heard some stories and read about this school online, and it has quite the reputation for "fun times."

I know that partying and drinking is a big part of many people's college experiences, and that's good for them, but personally I am just not interested.

I do not want to be put into any uncomfortable situations where I may be pressured into doing something I don't want to do while I am visiting her. How can I avoid these situations and still have a good time? — Soon to Be a Visitor, via email

SOON TO BE A VISITOR: Always remember that you are in control of your own life. You have free will and the ability to make decisions for yourself. Think through this issue carefully and even imagine situations that might arise. Prepare your answers well in advance.

You can role-play this matter in your mind quite easily. Think about how you want to present yourself, conduct yourself and control yourself. Once you're comfortable making a standard comment about not wanting to engage in drinking or taking any substances, make a pre-planned follow-up comment on some other subject so that the conversation quickly moves on. For example, ask about the school spirit. Ask about the sports teams, the daily life on campus and how good the professors and classes are.

You'll get out of your visit what you put into it, so be fully prepared! Think about what you'd like to see, learn and experience — on your own terms, in keeping with your own morals, character and standards. I trust you'll do quite well on this visit, especially if you do a bit of "homework" ahead of time.

I HEARD FROM HIS EX OUT OF THE BLUE

DR. WALLACE: An unusual thing happened to me last week. I received a text message from another girl who warned me about my current boyfriend, a guy who actually recently became my fiance.

This girl apparently was keeping track of him via social media since he became her ex-boyfriend a few years ago. She actually warned me in a text message that he has a terrible, frightening temper and that I should think carefully about whether to marry him. It was weird that she reached out to me this way, but she actually gave me her real name and encouraged me to contact her on Facebook and also via text. She told me the reason she broke things off with him is that he got physically violent with her on multiple occasions, culminating in a slap across her face and pushing her up against the wall so hard that he lifted her feet off the ground during one incident when he was especially enraged.

Now that I think about it, over the past year that I've known him he has gotten angry a few times with me, and his tone of voice was definitely unacceptable, but he has not physically done anything to me yet. However, I can't say that I haven't seen him get physical with other guys and even an employee in a store one time. These incidents occurred right in front of me, so they're not just rumors.

My question to you is whether I should say anything to him about this. Currently we have not set any specific wedding date yet; in fact, we just became engaged in the past month. I was thinking about an early spring wedding in 2023, so I have plenty of time to think this matter over. What should I do with this information I received from this woman? — Quite Surprised to Hear From Her, via email

QUITE SURPRISED TO HEAR FROM HER: I suggest you take her warnings very seriously. Now that you know this information, you can be extremely on guard and be very careful in monitoring his behavior from this point forward.

At some point, when you are in a safe environment, you may want to bring this up to him so that you can hear his side of the story and carefully watch his reaction to the news that you've heard from one of his past girlfriends. If he reacts angrily to this news even slightly, you'll have your answer. The only way I see a safe and secure future for you is if he admits to his past behavior and cares enough for you to enter anger management counseling.

I do recommend that you let family and friends know that this woman has contacted you. This is not something you should keep to yourself, as your personal safety should be paramount, and your loved ones and close friends will keep careful tabs on your current situation once they are in the loop.

Be extremely cautious and measured from here and don't hesitate to meet his past girlfriend in person (and bring a friend or relative along with you) so that you can evaluate her credibility and hear her story directly. Such a meeting will likely be very enlightening for you either way.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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