DR. WALLACE: My parents are very, very strict. My good friend has parents who are extremely lenient. I try to get my parents to give me some slack and be more like my friend's parents. But all they say is that lenient parents are not good parents. Actually, my friend is an honor student and a really good kid. I am also an honor student, but I'm not allowed to participate in any kind of after-school activities even though I'm 16.

I'm not permitted to date either! Help! I've asked my parents numerous times to let me date, but they are so strict and overprotective that it is futile to try to reason with them. My mom made me wince at one point when, right in the middle of a mild argument with me, she stuck out her arm, palm up, and said, "Talk to the hand!" I was pretty mad at that moment, but I almost laughed because she thought her comment was so cool, but it was so yesterday and out of place here in 2020.

Why does everyone feel that strict parents are doing a better job, while lenient ones aren't? I have friends who are living proof that some smart, lenient parents can raise some pretty awesome kids. — Under a Strict Regime, via email

UNDER A STRICT REGIME: I have seen a lot of good and bad parenting dating back to my firsthand experiences dealing with students and their families during my days as a high school teacher, high school basketball and baseball coach, high school administrator and principal. I would say that overly strict parents can, at times, do more harm than overly lenient ones.

Of course, there are many exceptions, and my answer here is absolutely intended to be very general. Each family situation always comes down to specific details and situations. Remember, I'm answering your question from an educator's point of view, not as a psychiatrist or psychologist. Nevertheless, from what I have observed, teens that have overly strict parents generally have lower self-esteem and more emotional strain.

I feel it's also important to point out that the words "lenient" and "strict" don't always mean the same thing to all people! Based on my experience, I'd say that the parents who had the best results in raising their children were the ones who were not overly strict or overly lenient. They were the ones who communicated well with their kids, took a great interest in their activities and well-being, and remained consistent yet flexible when dealing with the nuances of each situation.

WHAT IS A SOCIAL DRINKER?

DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and notice that my parents consume alcohol more often than I think they should, but they don't seem worried at all! When I tell them I think they drink too much, they reply by saying they are merely "social drinkers," like millions of other Americans. Please tell me what a social drinker is because I want to have another more informed discussion on this subject with my parents. I say this because they are always telling my brothers and me not to drink, but they drink almost every week. I will admit they don't get into any trouble with it, but they sure like their red wine on the weekends. — Told Not To Drink by Drinkers, via email

TOLD NOT TO DRINK: A social drinker is one who does not have any social, medical, legal or work-related problems due to their modest consumption of alcohol. A social drinker should be able to go weeks, months or even half a year without consuming any alcohol, depending on his or her lifestyle and social circumstance. Social drinkers are considered to be low-risk drinkers, and many people fall into this category. However, there are always a few that may lean on alcohol a bit harder when life circumstances get more challenging, and therein can lie a potential problem.

There are three main categories of drinkers: social drinkers, alcohol abusers and full-blown alcoholics.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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