DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and seeing a guy who's 21. I'm happy to be going out with my current boyfriend because he is very, very good-looking. All my friends consider him to be a "dream guy," and my girlfriends all look up to me for dating such a handsome man. I'm a hairstylist, and his mother owns our shop. That's how I met him. My father owns an auto repair shop, and my guy works for my dad. Fate brought us together, but lately, I'm not sure it's good for me.

It just so happens that he has a very short and volatile temper. If I tell him something he doesn't like to hear, he goes a little berserk sometimes. He has slapped my arms kind of hard a few times — well, really hard one of those times. He has never hit my face, but my arm sure did sting for hours after the hardest slap. He has never punched me, but I am afraid he might someday if he were to get really mad or drunk, for example.

I'm not asking you what I should do because I know you'll for sure advise me to "dump the guy as soon as possible." Here's what I want to know: Is it possible for me to get him to change his temper from volatile to mellow somehow? I sure would put in the work if there is some formula I should follow to help him calm down.

He seems to love me, and I think he does. If we do end up eventually splitting up, I'll never find a more handsome guy than him, and a guy's appearance is very important to me. I forgot to mention he even looks cute when he's angry. — Wishing He Was Calmer, via email

WISHING: It appears that you enjoy your friends' praise for dating a man of his looks more than you care for your guy as a person. A female who stays with a guy who demonstrates abusive behavior is very misguided. Expecting his temper to drop down to a steady, calm continence is merely wishful thinking. The odds of this are slim to none.

I appreciate the fact that you contacted me for advice, and I'm sincere when I tell you to stop seeing this guy. He has an emotional disturbance, and it will only get worse until he receives professional counseling. He has already slapped your arms hard a few times, once so hard that you felt pain for hours afterward. Leave now for your own personal safety, before his temper escalates any further than it already has. The longer he knows you, the more likely he is to feel comfortable venting in front of you, or worse — at you.

YOU'RE THE LUCKY ONE

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 20-year-old, self-sufficient female and share an apartment with my best friend. We worked for the same company.

About a month ago, I met a guy at a company party. He was really nice, we talked for at least two hours, and he asked me for my telephone number. Three days later, he called and asked me out. We went to dinner and a movie and had a wonderful time. We went out three more times, and I was starting to believe I had found my "one and only," even though he is seven years older than I am.

Ten days ago, he told me it was over because he had gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend. I was disappointed, but I said I understood and wished him well.

Last week, my roommate and I were discussing this guy. She thought there was something odd going on and suggested we do a little detective work. We found out that he's engaged, and his wedding is in three weeks! His fiancee has been in Europe because her mother over there was ill, so "lover boy" decided to have one last fling — with me! We also found out where the wedding will be, and my girlfriend thinks I should show up early, sit in the front row, then go to the reception and have him introduce me to his new bride. If I did, he'd be sweating, and I would get a bit of payback. I'm thinking about doing it. What do you think? — Misled From the Start, via email

MISLED: Nothing good will come of you carrying out this scheme for revenge. Do you want to increase the bitterness you're feeling right now? That's all that would happen. The guy is a jerk — leave it at that. Think how lucky you are that you are not the one marrying him! And if his fiancee ever reads this column in print or online, he may have some explaining to do.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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