DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and have been going with my boyfriend for six months. About a month ago we had sex. It was my first experience. If we hadn't been drinking, it never would have happened. We made love a few more times and I was positive it made us love one another more than ever.
But something strange is happening. Now he hardly ever calls me and he is spending more and more time with his guy friends. I keep calling him and he still says he loves me and wants to do things with me, but when we make plans to go out, he calls and cancels them. He doesn't seem to have much time for me anymore.
My mom keeps telling me that he is the typical 16-year-old boy. Of course, she doesn't know about the sexual encounter. I really feel bad about what happened. I always believed that I would remain a virgin until I married. I've been drinking more lately by myself and I'm ashamed to admit it, but it doesn't help me forget my troubles. What should I do, continue pursuing him or try to forget him entirely? I could really use some guidance from you. — Anonymous, Baltimore, Md.
ANONYMOUS: You made a mistake, but you must learn from it and get on with your life. Drinking is not the way to do this. It might make you forget your unhappiness for a short time, but afterwards you're even worse off. Alcohol is a depressant; all it's doing is digging you into a deeper hole.
And by all means stop chasing this boy. The two of you got into something over your heads — and that something was not love. He knows it and so do you. If you do go out with him again, do not have sex. As I have mentioned many, many times in the column, sexual activity does far more harm than good to a teen relationship.
Again, lay off the alcohol. Your whole life is in front of you, so embrace it and know that you are now a much wiser young lady given the experiences you have been through.
PARENTS BELONG IN THE HOUSE
DR. WALLACE: My best friend is turning 16 in five weeks, so her friends will be throwing her a "sweet 16" birthday party and I agreed to host this wonderful affair. 10 couples will be invited. The party will be on a Saturday night and will start at 8 PM and ends at 11:30. Tons of food and soft drinks will be served and, of course, no drugs or alcohol will be allowed. My parents were gracious in allowing me to host a party, but their insistence on remaining in the house during it has made me very upset.
I'm a mature young woman and can host a party without my parents' peeking and snooping. It's like they don't trust my friends and me to act in a civil manner. It must be that they think we'll have an "Animal House" affair. I'm going to be embarrassed to tell my friends to be "extra especially good," because mommy and daddy will be watching us. We are old enough not to need babysitters. —Anonymous, via email
ANONYMOUS: Your parents don't need to be babysitters or even chaperones, but they should be in the house during the party and your guests should be notified of this fact. Don't make a big deal out of it. Just enjoy the party. If nothing gets out of hand, guests will forget your parents are even in the house. Focus on enjoying time with your friends. It sounds like you're going to be a wonderful host!
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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