DR. WALLACE: The guy I'm seeing is basically wonderful. I met him last year adding mutual friend's wedding. He was the greatest best man and I served as the maid of honor for the bride. We were attracted to each other instantly. When we are together, he and I have good times. I really like him very much.
One disagreement we share is that he is anti-smoking and I am a pack a day smoker. He has asked me several times to stop smoking. I haven't stopped, but I stopped lighting up when I'm out with him. I'm 19 and my guy is 22. We have briefly discussed marriage here and there, but it never got to the "serious" stage.
Last night he said that he loved me and would seriously consider marrying me, but only if I would quit smoking completely. I thought that was reasonable and it gave me something to think about. Then came the bombshell. He said that if I didn't stop smoking forever in a month, he would stop seeing me and never return because I would be telling him that tobacco is more important than love.
I am well aware that smoking is a bad and expensive habit, but it so happens that I've been smoking steadily for over 5 years and I'm not sorry to say that I enjoy it very much. If he had given me a year to quit I might have considered giving up smoking, but making it a month is unacceptable.
Do you think this guy is being fair? I'm afraid to tell you that due to this deadline in three weeks we will be history. —Smoker, Denver, Co.
SMOKER: It turns out that he is making you choose between a smoking habit and him. Don't let your pride get in the way. If you care for him and would consider living with him for the rest of your life, do your best to find a way to stop smoking. If you prefer smoking over him, dump him!
Might I add there is a middle ground for you to consider. You might tell him that you worry that three weeks won't be achievable, but that you will work with him on finding a suitable way to quit permanently — at your own speed, with his support and guidance. So whether or not you stay with your guy, do find a way stop smoking! Your body and your pocketbook will thank you.
I'M STILL GRUMPY IN THE MORNING
DR. WALLACE: I am basically a pleasant person except when I wake up in the morning. I enjoy school, but every morning mom has to drag me out of bed by a leg and an arm. It doesn't make any difference how long I sleep; I'm still a bear to wake up.
Even after I'm up, I'm grouchy and I know I sometimes hurt mom's feelings. Once I'm at school I'm fine and I enjoy my day. It's just that I truly suffer from the morning "Blahs."
I really would like to be pleasant, but I can't seem to shake my grumpy ways. Have you got any hints? — Grump in the AM, New Orleans, La.
GRUMPY: You belong to an exclusive group of about 125 million Americans and Canadians, myself included. I've tried hard to be cheery in early morning, but so far nothing has worked.
Three years ago, I tried this new remedy: The instant I wake up I take a quick shower. After donning my walking outfit, I head outside and walk briskly for 5 miles. I then take a brisk, cool shower and eat a well-balanced, nutritious breakfast.
My life has changed dramatically. I am now a very clean guy and my morning walk has improved my stamina and helps keep my weight down to 180 pounds (I'm 6 feet tall). All this is good, but my wife informs me that my shower, exercise and good eating habits have done "only a little" to illuminate my grumpy morning behavior! I guess we all have room for improvement. My advice is to try a variety of activities to test right upon waking and see if there is one works for you.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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