DR. WALLACE: I have a most unusual problem and you are the only one I can turn to.
My boyfriend and I have been together for three months and I like him quite a bit. He has a twin sister, and I detest her. She is arrogant, self-centered and has a big mouth. I refuse to talk to her. And I need to mention that his sister also despises me. She already has told my friends that her brother is too good for me and that his "image" is damaged because he sees me. Since they are twins, he and his sister are very close.
Soon my boyfriend and his sister will be celebrating their 17th birthdays. I'm invited, of course, but since his sister will also be sharing the spotlight, I'm considering pretending that I'm sick so I won't have to show up.
My mother is upset because she thinks I'm allowing his sister (I can't stand to write or say her name) to dictate what I do. What mom doesn't know is the amount of hatred I have for this female.
I know my guy would be disappointed if I didn't show for his birthday party, but he would get over it in time. Does this sound reasonable to you? If not, advise me what to do. — Anonymous, Brooklyn, NY.
ANONYMOUS: You're letting hatred take over your life, which is not only foolish but tremendously unhealthy. You despise your boyfriend's sister more than you care about him! If you choose to avoid her, so be it, but to stay away from his birthday party just because his twin sister will share in the spotlight is unacceptable. Your mother is 100 percent correct here. Go to the party and enjoy yourself, and better yet, "allow" yourself to relax and focus on enjoying time with your boyfriend - while not focusing on her at all. If you practice this behavior enough times, you may learn to let your unhealthy feelings about her go. This would be quite healthy for you — and your relationship.
SEXUALLY AGRESSIVE GIRLFRIEND
DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and so is my girlfriend. We are popular at school and active in school activities. I am a virgin in my girlfriend says she is too, but she says that she no longer wants to stay that way and wants us to join the ranks of teens who are sexually active. I'm not sure that I want to enter into a sexual affair at this time in my life. I am not prude, but I don't want to have sex dominate my life right now. My girlfriend has bought books on "Love making" and wants me to read them. She already has read them and I believe they've make her obsessive about this topic.
Last night she told me that she will give me two weeks to read the books and then join her in sexual activity or else she will find a willing partner and, trust me, that won't be too difficult for her. Now I'm put in a position that if I want to keep a relationship, I must include sex on our dates.
I always read your column about sexually aggressive guys. What should I do about a sexually aggressive girlfriend? — Anonymous, Indianapolis, In.
ANONYMOUS: The answer is the same whether the sexual aggressor is male or female: a clear, unambiguous "No!" If she can't accept that, she will have to go somewhere else to seek to satisfy her fantasy. The decision to have sex, especially when it is coerced, is far more likely to wreck a relationship then to "save" it. Accept that you will have to set her free and over time I trust you will find a suitable young lady to spend time with that will make no such physical demands of you at such a young age.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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