DR. WALLACE: I have always been someone who is known as a people pleaser and who wants to keep peace in all of my relationships. This is compatible with both my personality and my philosophy in life. I always look for the best win-win opportunity in every situation I find myself in.

I always like doing things for other people and will do little things and, occasionally, large things to help keep people I care about happy. However, recently this has become very draining for me. I do not believe any of the people in my life take advantage of this, but I do believe that many people in my life just now have come to expect this behavior from me. I've also noticed that when there's an issue I do find myself uncomfortable with, I am never able to stand up completely for myself because I do not want to upset the people around me. I started out with the best intentions in life, but it seems that as I get a little older, my personality tends to work against me almost as often as it seems to work for me.

How can I set reasonable boundaries to still be generous and caring to the people in my life while not damaging myself? And how can I do this without damaging my relationships with those I truly care for and care about? — Sometimes overly helpful, via email

SOMETIMES OVERLY HELPFUL: Communication is the key for you to make the adjustments you're seeking. Keep being your normal self but add in a few tactful comments here and there that can subtly but effectively get your point across in those areas you feel you need to address.

For example, when you feel others expect too much from you, do something small and nice but seek to sidestep the larger obligation you wish to avoid. Explain that you're working on your time management skills these days (and you will be, since I'm advising you to do so) and that you'll do what you can to help but that it might be a bit less than you did in the past when you were younger and had fewer daily responsibilities, projects and deadlines. Say this with your usual smile and good voice intonation, and I trust those around you will get the message while also respecting you for both telling them tactfully and for continuing to do very nice smaller things to help everyone the best you can.

MY FRIENDS WILL THINK I'M GHOSTING THEM

DR. WALLACE: Our family of five people is going on a summer vacation into a remote part of one of our national parks. I understand from my father that there will be no cellphone service for a full week. This is not fair to me at all! How am I going to be able to keep in touch with my close friends from school? I'm 16, and I have at least seven friends that I either speak to or text every single day.

Now everyone is going to think that I am ghosting them, and I might not ever be able to make it up to them. I don't want to go to a stupid park that is way out in the woods, and I don't think I should have to. Why do people like my parents want to do crazy things like this? — It's not fair to me, via email

IT'S NOT FAIR TO ME: People like your parents plan trips like this for the specific reason of getting away from all of the hustle, work and pace of their busy daily lives!

I have absorbed your current position on why you feel this trip is not for you, but I heartily encourage you to go forward with an open mind. Start by telling all of your friends in advance that you will be with your family and therefore "off the grid" for a full week. I trust they will all understand and will again communicate with you as usual upon your return.

Take this time to ground yourself and do some thinking about your life, your dreams and goals going forward. Also use it to get some great exercise hiking, camping, fishing or even sightseeing. The human body and mind likes to experience periods of calmness so that the person can recharge and be ready for future busy times.

I truly believe you will enjoy this trip and experience much more than you currently realize. And at 16, you do need to travel with your parents if that is their wish. Embrace this opportunity and look at it as a blessing, not a curse!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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