DR. WALLACE: My daughter recently turned 19, and shortly after her birthday, we engaged in a conversation about her future.

I was just stunned when she told me that she's not planning on dating, getting involved in a serious relationship or having any children for the next eight years! She told me that her plan is to go to college to obtain a four-year degree and then immediately enroll in graduate school and add another four years there!

She says she wants to get her life together before she gets into any type of relationship. This means she really won't even think about dating seriously until she's 27!

I was disappointed to hear this. It surprises me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship or have a family soon, and as I'll bet you've guessed by now, I want to have grandchildren as soon as possible! What should I do? What can I do? Do you have any special words of wisdom or encouragement that might help my daughter with this situation? — Dedicated Mom Who Wants Grandchildren, via email

DEDICATED MOM WHO WANTS GRANDCHILDREN: This is your daughter's life we are talking about, not yours!

I absolutely appreciate that you are a dedicated mother and you wish to have grandchildren someday. But when you refer to her life plan as "this situation," you're indicating your disapproval and desire to control her choices, and I think that's out of bounds.

I do have some words of encouragement that may very well apply here. Encourage her to do what makes her happy, and let her know that you are proud of her and you support her in making the most of her life.

It's fine to mention that if and when the time comes, you'd be very proud to be an active grandmother. She likely already knows this, but it would be good to say this out loud. Then focus on asking her some interesting questions about her studies and career goals.

Support her in her scholastic endeavors and her present choices about a family. Take the high road. And if and when the time comes, you'll be in the perfect position to provide grandmotherly support. Remember, not every young person with an eight-year plan follows it through for the full eight years. Give your daughter time to mature, and be sensitive and supportive.

HOW CAN I HELP MY PREGNANT BEST FRIEND?

DR. WALLACE: My 18-year-old best friend just got pregnant, and she's scared to tell her parents. She has a little time since she's not showing yet. She still has a pretty normal body shape for now, but of course, that will change pretty soon.

I'm personally against abortion, and so is my best friend, but she's really scared to tell her parents she wants to have her baby.

I want to give her the best advice I can. What do you feel that would be given these circumstances? — Her Best Friend, via email

HER BEST FRIEND: You are already off to a good start by being a good and supportive best friend.

Do not force your friend to make a particular decision, as it is truly her decision to make.

She should inform her parents about her pregnancy, as they will find out at some point anyhow. In my opinion, the sooner she has this conversation the better for all parties involved.

At 18 years old, your friend is an adult and can make her own decisions. However, it would be advisable for her to consult with her parents and other trusted adults, particularly women she trusts.

Your role is to be there for her and encourage her to utilize all of the resources and information she can gather for help at this most important time in her life.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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