DR. WALLACE: My mom is a wonderful lady, but she has one very bad habit. She is always late, regardless of the occasion. This has caused me a lot of inconvenience and embarrassment. When I ask her to drive me to school, she always says yes but then causes me to be late to my first class! As a family, we are always late to church, appointments and sporting events.

Last night, my mother was supposed to pick up my best friend and me at the mall at 8:30 p.m. We waited outside until 9 p.m. before she showed up. First, she misplaced her car keys, and then she had to stop to get gas because she was on empty.

My dad has already given up trying to get my mom to be on time. He simply says, "She was late for her own birth and will be late to her funeral someday." I'm about to give up as well, and I know that I can't count on her to follow the clock. Do you have any suggestions that could help me? I don't want to start a big family argument, but I'd sure like to help my mom to get a move on. — Diligent Daughter, via email

DILIGENT DAUGHTER: People who are constantly late are people who usually lack organization. I doubt that your mother can change into a punctual person overnight. She has probably been running behind since her own teen years.

Still, she could absolutely improve. Whenever possible, remind Mom of important things that must be done so she won't be late. Help her choose the clothes she will be wearing; have her start getting ready in plenty of time; help her find her keys. One quick idea to try is getting your mom to write things down in a list in a small notebook. You can help her with this and even volunteer to be her secretary to write down her daily lists. Don't use loose paper; be sure it is a bound notebook! You should also recruit your dad to help in getting her to be organized. But don't expect miracles right away.

The worst thing you can do is lay a guilt trip on her. That will only make her more rattled and disorganized. If you can't help her to make some of these changes, be very happy that she is a wonderful woman and a great mother despite this one flaw.

SAY A DEFINITIVE NO AND MAYBE GOODBYE

DR. WALLACE: I've been going with a guy for over three months, and we usually get along very well. However, even though I like him a lot, he annoys me when he tries to tell me how to wear my hair. He says he wants me to curl it in a certain way. I asked him to show me a picture or draw an illustration about the style he had in mind. To my surprise, he pulled a picture of his ex-girlfriend and said, "This is the way I like it." I think the style I wear now looks good on me with my type of hair.

But he keeps insisting that I curl my hair. He's relentless with his demands on this subject, so much so that it's starting to cause ongoing friction between us. What do you think I should do? Should I give in and do it his way? — Like My Present Hair, via email

LIKE MY PRESENT HAIR: No way should this guy be telling you how to style your hair! He would not have been so out of bounds if he had made a suggestion one time and one time only — and then dropped the subject entirely if you weren't interested.

But to have the gall to try to mold you to look like his ex-girlfriend is unforgivable. This borders on disturbing, controlling behavior, which is a huge red flag in a romantic relationship. The fact that you mention he's relentless on this topic to the point of friction should really tell you all you need to know.

The only way to deal with this type of persistent request is to do so very firmly. Make sure he understands that he has offended you and that this topic is now permanently closed as far as you're concerned. If he doesn't get it — and controlling, manipulative jerks often don't — I suggest you have another simple word for him: goodbye! If this ends in a breakup, you would be better off moving on.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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