DR. WALLACE: My closest girlfriend just met a guy at the end of the school year who is, shall I say, quite unsavory! He has a bad reputation at our school and has been in and out of trouble over the years for various things, including fighting and selling pot on campus.

She and I have been close for many years, and the guys she has dated before this one have been more mainstream and freer of trouble.

I don't even know how they met, and she doesn't want to discuss much about him at all with me, other than to say that he is sweet in private and misunderstood by everyone.

How can I get through to my friend that this guy is bad news? — Worried About my Friend, via email

WORRIED ABOUT MY FRIEND: I've seen this situation in various permutations arise over the years. It's much more common than you might have ever thought.

The best thing you can do is to tell your friend that you're concerned for her, but that you won't try to pry into her private business. But make it a very definite and clear to tell her that if anything goes wrong, or even slightly wrong, that you were there for her and you'll listen to her in a non-judgmental way. It's important to state this so she doesn't feel backed into a corner if indeed she wants to reach out to someone at some point.

Tell her that you are her friend now and always, and you're there for her if and when she ever needs you. On top of this, perhaps plan to spend some social time with her as you have done previously, and during that time, don't bring this guy up at all, unless she does so first.

SHOULD I MARRY THIS SUMMER?

DR. WALLACE: I'm 18, a freshman in college and a girl who is an only child. My mother passed away six years ago and I live with my father, but to be honest, he's grumpy and distant from me.

I know my mother's passing impacted him very much, but he's never tried to connect with me since. I made it through high school with the help of some good friends and the ability to focus on my studies to offset my almost nonexistent home life.

A few months ago, I met an older guy on my college campus who's really taking a liking to me. He tells me I'm just the type of woman he's been looking for and even though we've only dated for a few months, he's already telling me that he would love to marry me late this summer. He's a nice enough guy, reasonable looking and he's about to get a very prestigious degree, so he will be a good earner soon.

The challenge I face is that I'm interested in escaping living at home with my grumpy father, but I know that although I like this guy very much, I'm not yet head over heels in love with him. Do you feel I should take him up on his offer while he's hot on me right now, or try to stall him so that I'll have more time to see how I feel about him? I'll readily admit to you that my heart skips a beat when I think of being able to move out of my father's home! My heart has not yet skipped to beat when I think about living with this guy for the rest of my life, but I do enjoy his company, and he is a great guy. What should I do this summer, given my dilemma? — I Have a Path Out if I Want it, via email

I HAVE A PATH OUT IF I WANT IT: My condolences to you on the loss of your mother. No doubt that has been very hard on you and your father. It's sad that you and your father were not able to bond more directly over those six years.

However, no matter how excited the thought of moving out of your father's house is, my advice to you is not to marry simply for that reason. The good news is that you're getting to know this guy better and better while dating. Be honest with him and don't rush things, but aim to spend several more months dating if the relationship sustains itself and see how you feel towards the end of this year.

It's never wise to rush into a marriage simply to alleviate a different problem, especially one that will eventually solve itself, as is the case in your situation. At some point, you'll be old enough to earn money on your own and be able to afford moving out of your father's house — whether you get married or not. My advice to you is to marry for love, whenever that comes with whoever it is, not simply as an escape hatch from your current situation.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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