DR. WALLACE: I'm a 19-year-old guy who lives at home with my parents and a few of my siblings. I've been smoking cigarettes at my job for the past year, but I never said anything to my parents about my smoking.

My father's been a heavy smoker for over 30 years. The other day, I decided I would light up a cigarette on the patio in our backyard, and when my father saw me smoking, he actually yelled at me!

He told me that if I was going to smoke on his property that I'd have to move out of his home! I've always had a decent relationship with my father, so this caught me by surprise.

I decided to put the cigarette out and not argue with them, so I simply extinguished it, said OK and walked back in the house. He said nothing more, but I did see him of course smoking several cigarettes later that day and into the evening.

The more I thought about it, the more I felt he was being overly hypocritical when it comes to my smoking. Here he has been smoking for decades and he forbids me from smoking even one cigarette on his property. What is up with this type of attitude? Should I confront him in a few days to plead my case? It does not seem fair that he can smoke all he wants and I can't have a single cigarette on the property. — Caught in a Double Standard, via email

CAUGHT IN A DOUBLE STANDARD: I feel your father is actually doing you a favor. I'm sure he is well aware of how damaging smoking is to a person's health, and perhaps he wants to save you and your body from the same trauma he's been putting himself through for all those years.

In addition to that, the national age to purchase cigarettes and smoking paraphernalia is 21 years of age, so you can't legally buy cigarettes at your age, and this could potentially be part of his reasoning as well.

Finally, no matter what his reasons are, you are living in his home, and he can make the rules. I don't look at his position as a double standard, knowing what I do about the damaging effects of long-term cigarette smoking. I suggest you honor his request as long as you wish to live in his home, and if you remain curious, ask him politely what his reasoning is and he may very well give you his definitive answer. However, I doubt that he'll change his position no matter what that reason is.

MY MOTHER IS WONDERFUL BUT DOES NOT WANT TO BE 'GRANDMA!'

DR. WALLACE: My mother had me as a child when she was 16, and now at age 19, I'm married and pregnant! My husband has a great job, and our future is looking really good.

We've been together for two full years and married for one. My mother has been a big help and is our greatest fan. She has already told me that she will help me with the baby whenever I need a break. However, she often avoids seeing our friends, since she looks much younger than her actual age and is often mistaken for being my older sister. My husband finds this amusing, but I see it as quite odd.

She's already told me that once my child is born, she does not want to be called "Grandma" in front of anyone! Should I plan to honor her wishes? This seems strange, but she's only 36 now and she can easily pass for a 29-year-old! — I Have a Youthful Mother, via email

I HAVE A YOUTHFUL MOTHER: My take is that it's far more important that she is your biggest fan and that she plans to help you in many ways once her grandchild arrives than what name she does or does not wish to be called.

And you can quietly explain to your closest friends exactly who your mother is, but ask them to be sensitive to her wishes, and this will ensure peace and harmony between you and your mother, which is a very important thing at this time in your life.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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