DR. WALLACE: I'm a 17-year-old guy who has never been out on a date. I feel I'm normal in every way, but what's holding me back is the fear of rejection. I'm of normal height and weight and I'm not bad looking even if I don't look exactly like a male model. My problem is that I get so nervous when I think about asking a girl out that my palms start to sweat, and I quickly talk myself out of even asking.

I've actually had a few good friendships and acquaintances they could've easily turned into dates, but I was never able to pull the trigger and ask the key question. I'm always waiting for the perfect moment to ask, but it never seems to come along smoothly, and then I worry about asking for a date at an inappropriate time. This cycle seems to repeat over and over for me.

Do you think I will ever get my nerve up enough to ask for a date, or will I simply not date during my high school years and perhaps figure all this out once I'm in college? — No Dates So Far, via email

NO DATES SO FAR: It's trite but true to tell you that you will not receive a "yes" answer if you never ask the question. Instead, you'll continue to witness several potentially good opportunities evaporate due to your lack of speaking up.

I do have an approach to suggest you try. Think now about someone you'd like to date, but not the specific person or two that you really would be thrilled to date right now. Then plan to ask for a date and expect the answer to be "no" so that you can rehearse exactly what you'll say in response.

You may want to say, "Thanks for considering going out; if things change on your end or the timing is better at a later date, just let me know."

Now you're all set to get the experience of asking for a date. And if the girl does say "yes," then you have not only overcome your hesitation but have also broken your dateless streak!

Either way, simply asking for a date and dealing with whatever reply you receive back is a good thing, and an experience that will help you going forward. Think of it as riding a bicycle. You may wobble a bit at first, but very quickly you'll get your balance and things will proceed smoothly from there. And after a while it will become both comfortable and routine.

I trust if you can plan to be prepared with what you'll say that it won't be long until you receive a yes. And after that happens, you should be in a position in the near future to ask out anyone you wish to, even those girls on your "short list."

OUR PLANS HAVE NOW BEEN CHANGED

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and engaged to a guy who is 23. We have a lot in common and share many interests. We planned to get married shortly after I turned 21 but now a new twist has developed since I just discovered I'm pregnant.

I want to have our baby after we get married. However, my fiance not only does not want to move the wedding date up, but he also wants me to abort the baby! I want to keep my baby, but this is putting serious strain on our relationship. I've spoken with family, friends and trusted adults who know me. All of them think I'm being reasonable, but the one man I need to see things my way simply won't.

He has not made any threats, but I can tell already that if I keep my baby, he will likely not marry me now or perhaps ever. I guess time will tell. Do you know of any way I can get him to consider marrying me soon? I have about six months left before the baby arrives. — Not what we planned, via email

NOT WHAT WE PLANNED: Life has a way of delivering surprising, unplanned developments, and one part of a good marriage is working together to deal with whatever life throws at you.

In your case it's become apparent that your fiance is not interested in being a team player here. It's likely that you and your child may be on your own for a time — or a lifetime unless he has a change of heart soon.

I don't see any way to manipulate him into marrying you right away, nor would I be comfortable suggesting you pressure him. If he doesn't love you and your mutual child enough to want to be there for you both now, through thick and thin, he might not have what it takes to be a good partner in marriage either.

You don't need to give up on him now, but I'd advise you not to push him either. Simply state your case, monitor how he reacts and do what is best for you and your unborn child. There is still time for him to potentially have a change of heart organically, so keep an eye out for that, but it's also time for you to make sober decisions about your long-term future.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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