DR. WALLACE: I'm a girl who gets asked out on a lot of dates, and don't get me wrong, I really appreciate that. But it also makes me feel very uneasy since I have to say "no" to so many people that it's hard to do honestly all of the time. I find myself making up excuses as to why I'm declining the date offer.

I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so this is why I'll sometimes come up with an exotic excuse to give the person asking the least offensive negative answer to their question.

My friends all tell me that I should just say that I'm dating someone steadily even when I'm not, or that I already have a date for the day or night that someone wants to take me out. How can I get around this issue without driving myself crazy or hurting others? — Queen of Exotic Excuses, via email

QUEEN OF EXOTIC EXCUSES: Think about how you would want to be let down if the shoe were on the other foot. If you had asked someone out, and they preferred to not take you up on that offer, how would you like to be informed?

Would you like an exotic excuse (that may still lead you on or keep you wondering), or would you like to be told a definitive "no" in a direct but polite way?

Over the years, the standard polite refusal goes something like, "I'm flattered that you asked, but my answer is no. I thank you for asking." And then a smile with a very brief snippet of small talk to gracefully exit the conversation can work well: "The weather is starting to warm up. It won't be long until it's summer. Hope you have a good one! Thanks again and best wishes." This type of direct but friendly interaction will both deliver your firm answer and leave the person who asked you feeling that you took the time to be polite during your exchange.

I FEEL HIS MOTHER IS MEDDLING IN OUR RELATIONSHIP

DR. WALLACE: I've been dating a great guy for the past three months. Just when things started going really well for us, he told me that he had to break up with me because his mother is quite uncomfortable that he's spending so much time with me, and that she feels my character is poor.

I was stunned to hear this! I've never been accused of having poor character, and I know in my heart I'm an honest and true person. I'm not perfect, but I follow my conscience and always try to do the right thing. I get good grades in school and my teachers all like and respect me. I just don't get it.

But I did discover something interesting. I told one of my girlfriends what had happened, and she mentioned that over the holidays at the end of last year, a similar accusation was made about his previous girlfriend by his mother, and he shortly thereafter broke up with her, too. I've only ever seen his mother briefly a time or two from the driveway of his house and I've never even spoken to her, so this makes me really confused as to why she does not seem to like me.

I really like this guy even though we've only dated a short while so far. We get along great, we have many common interests and he treats me really well. He's respectful to me and does not ever push me in any direction in which I am not comfortable. We are both seniors in high school now, and by this fall we will both turn 18. His birthday is in October and mine is in late November. I just hate the idea that his mother is apparently canceling our relationship for some unknown reason. Do you think there is anything I can do about this situation, or should I just accept it and move on? — Unhappy With This Development, via email

UNHAPPY WITH THIS DEVELOPMENT: Your situation does sound strange indeed. It would be nice if your guy stood up for you to his mother and implored her to allow him to make his own dating decisions.

But that aside, I feel your best bet at this point is to seek to meet with his mother in person. Have him set it up so that you can speak directly with her. It could be that she's overly protective of her son and her worry is driven by that perspective, rather than by anything specific that she may know about you. The fact that she pushed out his past girlfriend in a similar manner indicates to me that this might be her primary motivation.

Once she gets to know you and your personality, she may ease up a bit with her concerns, so that's worth a try. And if the two of you truly wish to remain a couple, you should be able to, as you'll both be officially adults later this year. I therefore also recommend that you have a heart-to-heart talk with your boyfriend about all of this. Use the perspectives I've raised here in your conversation with him so that at the very least you can find out where you truly stand presently with him as well.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: 9883074 at Pixabay