DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years now, and for the last two years we've been talking about getting married. He's always said that he intends on marrying me, and we talk about our future together all of the time, often in a comfortable, matter-of-fact way.

I want his proposal to be a surprise, so I've never asked him specifically about when he plans on proposing to me, but lately I've been getting frustrated and would admit to being a bit disappointed because I feel as though it should have already happened by now.

Even my family members are beginning to wonder what is taking him so long, and I've noticed that I've been acting short-tempered around him lately because it's becoming difficult for me to mask how upset I am underneath the surface.

Realistically, it's going to take us about a year to plan a wedding, so I just don't understand why he's still waiting to propose. I know that he loves me, and I trust that he will take this next step in our relationship when he thinks the timing is right, but I can't help but feel hurt about how long it is taking for him to solidify our future together. Do you feel it's reasonable for me to take this situation as personally as I presently am, or am I reading into things too much? — Impatiently waiting, via email

IMPATIENTLY WAITING: I do advise you to address your frustrations with him so that you don't continue to seethe in the manner you've described. A relationship this close should be a joy for each individual, and there should be no secrets between the two of you.

Yes, I am suggesting that you speak openly about this issue with him, but do so in a manner whereby you can first dial down your frustration so that your tone of voice and manner of speaking remains copacetic. And before you do so, take some time to think about your mutual futures. I don't know which careers you both plan to possibly pursue and when and if you'd like to start a family and so forth. Think these things through and be comfortable with the timeline before you bring up this issue so that you are fully prepared. Think also about why you're so ready to move ahead soon and be ready to discuss this in a positive light.

I do feel you can say that you'd like to be surprised but that you're ready for surprise at some point in the near future — with "near" perhaps defined as months, not increments of full additional years. Having such a conversation will also reconfirm where things stand. If there's any underlying issue or potential obstacle, it will most likely come out in the discussion. Hopefully there will be none in your case, but if one does arise, it's much better to know that and address it right away rather than thinking no obstacles exist and expecting a proposal each successive weekend.

A big but often overlooked key to life is communication on a truly open level with those you love and trust and that are the most important to you in your life, so plan to do your part to communicate how you feel as tactfully and honestly as you can. This "truly open level" is not meant for discussions for acquaintances and casual coworkers, as I am not advising that at all. But for those select few that are paramount in your life, communicate how you feel and why and then do your very best listening when the reply comes. Great teams, like future potential marriage partners, benefit from honest, heartfelt discussions — especially about very important topics like yours.

MY PAY IS MINIMAL!

DR. WALLACE: I have worked at the same small clothing shop for about a year now. I've gotten to know many people and am pretty good by now with all of my workplace responsibilities.

The only issue is that I do not feel I am being paid enough! I am being paid only my state's current minimum wage but many of my friends are making $4-$5 over minimum wage at the various jobs they have. Now I can't decide if I should stay with my current job or try to look somewhere else I could make more per hour.

Part of me wants to stay with what I know and am comfortable with, but I also know it might be a better decision to branch out and seek another opportunity elsewhere. Do you feel I should stay at my current job under the circumstances I've outlined for you? I forgot to mention that my current job is close to my college so I can easily walk or bicycle over to it in just a few minutes. — Unsure of changing jobs, via email

UNSURE OF CHANGING JOBS: There are many factors at play here that could possibly impact your decision. You've mentioned your comfort with the job and that you can do it well, plus it's in a convenient location for you. Those are all positives. It sounds like the only negative factor is the hourly pay rate.

Now, if you seek to make a higher wage per hour, you have a few options. You could indeed seek out a new job somewhere in or near your town, or you could approach the owner or manager of the business you're presently working at and ask for a merit raise. Only you might have a feel for what type of leverage you may have in asking for a raise. Are you truly an outstanding employee? Can you do things other employees can't do, or can't do nearly as well? Would you be easy to replace?

Another factor is the relationship you have with ownership and/or management. Are you on good terms? Are they friends and open to discussions and conversations, or are they aloof and harder to approach?

At the time you were hired at your present job, you were likely told about the hourly rate, and they might have mentioned future reviews and potential merit pay raises. How long have you worked there? The length of time may or may not play in your favor in terms of asking for a raise.

You can still hold on to your existing job and take a look around at other possibilities as you have time. Think carefully if you'd like to work somewhere else before you "give notice" or resign your current job. The good news that should likely work in your favor here — either at your existing job or a possible new one — is that there presently is a nationwide shortage of workers, so finding a job with a more competitive pay rate is likely possible.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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