DR. WALLACE: I'm a 17-year-old female, and I have what's called a very quick and very bad temper. When things don't go my way, I have a tendency to "blow my top."

Then I pout and refuse to talk to anyone if I don't immediately get my way. I'm quite aware that I've hurt my family and friends with this type of behavior. I've also lost some of my very best friends, including a really nice boyfriend, because of my repeated childish behavior. At this point, I 100% want to stop being immature before I wind up with no friends at all. Please don't advise me to get professional help; I want to solve my problem myself.

I promise that I will appreciate any help you give me and will do my best to follow it to make the changes I know are quite necessary. I simply can't continue to go on this way, and at times, I sit and wonder why I just "go off" so quickly when, deep down, I really don't wish to alienate anyone close to me.

I am very serious about eliminating this terrible temper now and forever. Help! — Need to Cool My Jets, via email

NEED TO COOL MY JETS: Start by printing out a copy of this column, folding it neatly and keeping it in your possession wherever you are. When you reach into your pockets, I want you to pull out this column and take a minute to read your words very slowly and carefully. I want you to do this so that you'll see in print how much you actually want to make this big change in your behavior.

Visualize positive thoughts about your behavior via a regular daydream whenever you have free time. Imagine seeing yourself in the future as a good person who is fully in control of her emotions. Remind yourself of this each and every day. This will build mental "muscle memory" that will be there for you the next time things don't go your way.

There is one more step I'd recommend. Think in advance about possible situations that might have triggered your past self to "go off," and think in a calm and cool manner how you will handle such a situation in the future. Think about counting to 10 or taking two or three slow, deep breaths and exhaling them before you react in any way. The key is to keep calm for the first 30 seconds when something comes along with the potential to upset you.

Finally, after you've worked out a few 30-second strategies for yourself, think about how good you'll feel about yourself later once you extricate yourself from such a situation successfully and diplomatically.

Once you succeed the first time, I trust you'll be able to repeat your success in the future as well. Remember that giving in to a hot, impulsive temper almost never will serve you well. Opt instead for gradually gaining control of your emotions, especially in the short term.

Contact me again in the future, and let me know how things are with you. I hope to hear that you're making good progress. I commend you for seeking to improve yourself, and I wish you all the best in doing so very soon.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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