DR. WALLACE: My girlfriend and I went to a large fraternity party. There were times when we were not together, so after missing her for over half an hour I went looking for her.

Now I wish that I hadn't found her, because when I did, she was kissing another guy. As soon as she saw me, she ran over to me and put her arms around me and said that she had been looking for me. She said that she wanted me to take her home because she didn't feel good and thought she had drunk too much wine.

On the way home she slurred her speech and appeared to be drunk. When I asked her about kissing another guy, she said she didn't remember kissing him. Then she asked me to stop and get her a hot cup of black coffee because she wanted to sober up before she got home.

About five minutes after drinking the coffee, her speech and behavior returned to normal. Again, I asked her about making out with another guy and she said she still couldn't remember doing it.

Is it possible that a person can go from being drunk to being sober after one cup of coffee? Somehow I think she's using the "I was drunk" defense because I caught her with another guy. — Nameless, Colorado Springs. Colo.

NAMELESS: That was definitely quite a cup of coffee — or quite an act on your girlfriend's part! Here are the facts:

The only thing that brings sobriety is time — roughly one hour for each alcoholic drink consumed. The more you drink, the more time it takes. All of the common shortcuts to sobriety, including hot coffee and cold showers, are sheer myth. Your girlfriend did not sober up with one cup of coffee; she merely bought an alibi, or rather, had you buy it for her.

HE'S THE ONE WHO LOST OUT

DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and dating a guy who is 19 and a first-year student at Valparaiso University. He is from another country and has different thoughts on many subjects. I like seeing him, but I'm not in love with him or anything close to love. He is interesting and I have a nice time when we are together.

Last night he asked me if I loved him and I told him that I like him. He said, "That's not what I asked you." I told him that I didn't love him and he got a little upset. Then he said, "Tell me that you love me even if you don't, and if you don't tell me that, I'm going to stop seeing you."

I just couldn't tell him that I loved him, so he took me home and said we were wasting our time together. I'll miss seeing him. Should I have told him what he wanted to hear? — Nameless, Valparaiso, Ind.

NAMELESS: You definitely did the right thing. You're better off calling off the relationship than continuing it under false pretenses. He's the one who lost out. Your friend's single-minded impatience to find love is unlikely to yield the real thing, but that's his problem, not yours.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Dale Cruse