DR. WALLACE: I'm an enthusiastic girl, wrapping up my junior year in high school. This summer I'm planning to play on a girls' summer league soccer team. We need to raise money to buy our uniforms and our matching shoes. Because I'm naturally enthusiastic, I put out the idea at a recent team meeting that we could raise the money by holding a car wash all day on a Saturday.

People tend to follow my ideas because I get excited about things and the next thing you know, my ideas are put into motion. Well, we did hold the car wash, but we didn't come close to raising enough money in one day to pay for everyone's uniforms and shoes. In fact, according to my math, we raised just slightly under 40% of the total amount of funds we will be needing.

We are going to hold another team meeting to kick around additional new ideas, and I already have two or three new ideas that I have developed, but now I'm hesitant to put them out there enthusiastically since my last one didn't quite hit the mark. Should I continue to put my ideas out there or hold back? — Naturally Enthusiastic, via email

NATURALLY ENTHUSIASTIC: There's no reason why you can't do a bit of both. My advice is for you to hold back your ideas at the beginning of the meeting and let others speak and present first. You may hear a really good idea that you are confident will succeed, and you could then step in and enthusiastically "second" the idea and compliment the person who developed it. This would be one way to use your natural personality to everyone's benefit.

If the meeting turns out to be slow and ideas are sparse, wait until near the end of the meeting to drop one or two of your very best ideas out to the group. At that point, ask them their opinions before you get overly hyped up on those specific ideas. As comments and suggestions roll in, you could perhaps adjust or modify your original thoughts by again bringing others into the collaborative process. Either outcome should be welcomed by all.

I WAS DUPED AND WANT AN EXPLANATION

DR. WALLACE: I'm generally kind and nurturing with my friends and other people I hear about who a difficult or delicate situation they are trying to deal with. It's my nature to help others and in nearly all cases, my efforts are appreciated no matter the outcome. Fortunately, several of the outcomes I've been involved with have turned out either much better or reasonably better than the way things were before I stepped in to assist.

But recently, I heard about a situation through a personal friend, and when I approached this guy to try to help him out in the manner I was informed about, I learned within a couple of days he had taken tremendous advantage of me and my time.

I truly feel I am owed an explanation from this guy, but once he realized I was onto his charade, he simply shut down and stop talking to me. I realize I should let this go at some point, but I find myself really anxious to talk to him at least one more time to get an explanation and bring closure to this awkward and deceitful event. How do I best go about this if he's now staying away from me and not communicating with me at all? — Turns Out I Was Duped, via email

TURNS OUT I WAS DUPED: My advice is to stop pursuing this guy and trying to get an explanation directly from him. If and only if he happens to contact you proactively, you should hear him out. Otherwise, chalk it up to a bad experience that you'd like to put behind you and simply let it go. It'll be better for you mentally and emotionally to do this.

What you can do is to contact the friend who gave you this referral and ask a few general questions and explain the situation calmly. Don't raise your voice or press too hard. Simply state your surprise and disappointment, and ask if there were any warning signs in advance or any reason you can think of why this individual may have pulled this stunt. If you get an answer from the person who connected you to this individual, consider that to be your best answer and move on with your life. And if no answer is available there, simply consider that the end of the matter.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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