DR. WALLACE: My mother snoops on me, and it's driving me crazy. She often goes through things in my room, picks up my phone to look at my messages and insists that we share the same laptop so that she can see everything that is on it. She even makes us both use the same general login password and username.

The strange thing is that I've never given her any reason to not trust me. She's a single mother, and my father is not in the picture. I understand that she probably feels like she has to be both the mother and the father to me in terms of guidance and discipline, but I feel she goes too far. Do you agree? — Often Snooped Upon, via email

OFTEN SNOOPED UPON: I don't know your age, but in general, I agree with your viewpoint. Trust should be earned and assumed, at least on most issues, until it is compromised in some way or demonstrably broken.

Trust and communication are the keys to parents and teenagers getting along well, while still having the parental rules not only in place and respected but also understood.

In my opinion, your mother should first explain her rules to you, explain the consequences for breaking her trust and then do her utmost to keep a good and open line of communication with you. Constantly snooping on you without taking those steps first puts her in a position more likely to fail than succeed.

I USUALLY IGNORE RUMORS, BUT I COULDN'T IGNORE THIS ONE

DR. WALLACE: My best friend has been dating a guy who I thought was at least decent and maybe even compatible with her over the long run. But lately, I've heard some unsavory rumors about him and other girls — all of it supposedly going on behind my friend's back.

I know that many rumors are demonstrably false or contain just a small speck of truth that is twisted out of proportion. So, at first, I said nothing to my friend and didn't get involved at all. But last week, I heard a very similar rumor, but this time a name that was mentioned caught my ear! That's because my cousin lives in the area the newest rumor took place, and the name I heard just so happens to be my cousin's best friend.

I asked my cousin to ask her friend if this rumor was true, and after she checked, she told me it was true and her friend had firsthand information! Now I'm wondering if I should tell my friend about all of the rumors I've been hearing about her boyfriend. It's appearing to me that he may be a two-faced kind of guy, but I want to be sure before I say anything to my best friend, as I feel she deserves my caution. — A Nervous Best Friend, via email

NERVOUS BEST FRIEND: You are wise beyond your years, and a good friend, indeed. I suggest that you try to arrange a meeting with your cousin and her friend who confirmed the rumor with firsthand knowledge.

Be brief with your questions, and focus mainly on being sure the information you are given is in fact firsthand. If you do this and are personally satisfied that it's likely true, then you should tell your friend privately what you've learned and exactly how you came to hear it.

You can also mention that you approached this whole situation carefully and that you proceeded just the way you would want a friend to proceed on your behalf if the roles were reversed.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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