DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and we both agree that the time has come to start a sexual relationship. We are both under the impression that sex is the ultimate in a loving relationship. He and I love each other very much and we want to take our relationship to the next level.
Both of us are Catholic and have been taught that it is sinful to use contraceptives to avoid pregnancy. I have read books on the best time for a female to have sex and not get pregnant. We will follow this useful information and I hope I don't get pregnant, but if I do, we'll get married, without a doubt. We are both 19 now and will be at least 20 if and when a child would be brought into this world because of our love. —Nameless, Klamath Falls, Ore.
NAMELESS: You will probably become pregnant. Several years ago, the Alan Guttmacher Institute reported that if teens do not use effective contraceptives the chance of pregnancy is 90 percent.
Since you were taught that using contraceptives was sinful, you must also know that premarital sex is also against the church's teachings. My advice is that you give up the selective theology and make some real decisions about your life. Practice abstinence, as the church teaches, or use a condom, possibly in combination with other birth control, as science teaches. And if you're going to marry, make that decision and announce it to the world on your own terms when you feel you are ready for that commitment. Don't wait for an unplanned pregnancy to make the announcement for you.
TALK WITH YOUR SCHOOL COUNSELOR
DR. WALLACE: I'm 14 and a freshman in high school. I was a student in junior high and I'm also getting all A's now. My parents, who were born in Korea, consider my grades all-important, just as their parents did in Korea.
I love my parents dearly, but they put so much pressure on me to be a superior student that sometimes I feel like running away. If I were to get a final grade of B and one of my courses, my parents would collapse in horror. I've got to study three hours per evening on school days and five hours on Saturday and five hours on Sunday. I'm not allowed to participate in school activities. I'm not allowed to join clubs, go to athletic games or even see a school play. To them, these things might interfere with my making straight A grades.
I would like to join a club and go to a football game, but the answer is always no. What can I do to convince them that I could still get excellent grades and enjoy being a total student, not just a "brain"? —Kyong, San Francisco, Calif.
KYONG: Your parents are so concerned about your academic success that they're pushing you to the breaking point and setting you up for failure. You are absolutely right that the best way to go through school is as a total student, maintaining top grades and also fully partaking in extra curricular activities. You have a right to enjoy your life!
You need an ally. I suggest you talk with your counselor about the situation. Ask him or her to invite your parents to school for a conference wear this professional can discuss with them the value of participation in non-academic programs. Indeed, most colleges look for more than just superb grades. They like to see that a student has a broad range of extracurricular interests as well.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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