TEENS: if your best friend smokes, will you eventually become a smoker? If your parents or brothers and sisters smoke, will you join in and participate in this nasty habit? Everyone knows how evil spoken is and there are times you may wonder why anyone smokes at all. It's the company you keep.
A study of 12 to 18-year-olds, conducted by the Los Angeles-based National Center for Health Statistics, found that a teen was twice as likely to smoke if an older brother or sister did. They were three times more likely to smoke if their parents did too. And half of the teens with two best friends who smoked were smokers themselves. If none of their best friends smoke, they almost never smoked. 16 percent of teenagers smoke, and more than half think they'll probably give it up within a year. The reality: three out of four of them have already tried to quit at least once — and failed.
THE WISE CHOICE IS TO LISTEN
DR. WALLACE: last week, my son became a teenager by reaching the magical age of 13. My ex-husband and I have been divorced for over eight years, so my son and I have spent much time together. Basically, Ronnie is a good kid and I want him to remain that way through the very difficult teen years. I can vouch for that! My teen years were very rocky.
If you could give me one tip to keep my son from going wrong, what would that be? —Mother, Portland, Ore.
MOTHER: I can boil it down to a single word: LISTENING. It's most important to have open and honest communication between parent and child. Wives parents always find time to listen when a child needs to talk. Regardless of what the parents are doing, they should take a break and devote their full attention to what the child is saying.
When listening, make good eye contact and never give the child negative body language, especially a noticeable frown. After listening, and when you need to know certain information, you should ask open-ended questions such as "tell me more about the party" rather than, "I hope there won't be alcohol and drugs available."
When a teen feels comfortable and trusts a parent, and is not threatened with intimidating questions, the parent is more likely to receive quality information. Everyone wants to be heard. The wise choice is to listen.
SORRY, BUT I AGREE WITH DAD
DR. WALLACE: I'd like to respond to the letter where the 17-year-old boy was saving for five years to buy a car but his dad wouldn't let him buy one, and you agreed with the dad. Shame on you! If I were the boy, I'd pack my bags, buy a bus ticket to my nearest relative's house and take off. This would cause his father to give in, allowing the boy to get his car because his father would miss him. — Logan, Lodi, Calif.
Logan: You little story has a happy ending, but what happens if the nearest relative doesn't want the boy or the father doesn't miss him, or both?
You had better add another chapter to your mystery. I agreed with dad because the boy had poor school grades and hung around with guys who were using drugs.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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