DR. WALLACE: I'm a young woman, 20 years of age, and I live at home with my two younger sisters and my mother who divorced my father several years ago. Because my father mentally and physically abused my mother, my "growing up" years were miserable.

Because of all of our family troubles, I became a very shy person. Even though I am mature, I have never been on a date. When I was in junior in high school I had a crush on one of my teachers. He was very special to me. He was kind, considerate and very compassionate. He also was single. For the past six years I have thought of him often. I've even seen him several times, but I couldn't bring myself to speak to him because of my shyness.

About two months ago my sister saw this teacher at a basketball game and he asked her how I was doing. This has really made me feel good — to know that after all these years he still remembered me. I had a friend of mine call the school to find out if this teacher had a wife and he didn't.

Now that I'm 20 and considered an adult, I was wondering if it would be considered proper for me to call him on the telephone and ask him out for a date. He is probably about 30 years old, so our age difference is only 10 years. Is this difference too great?

What do you think I should do? I stay at home a lot. — Shelly, Chicago, Ill.

SHELLY: I would not encourage you to seek a date with a former teacher, and the age difference has nothing to do with it. There is an "unwritten" law among teachers that teachers should not date former students. Some teachers are idolized by their students, and this form of emotion is often mistaken as a romantic interest.

Excellent teachers who are kind, compassionate, and considerate are easy to like and to identify with, especially when the student suffers from family discord.

You should be enjoying the company of the opposite sex instead of staying home a lot. If you are active in the community then you will be in position to meet future dates. Visit your local library, take an interesting class sponsored by a local college or adult evening school, volunteer some spare time at a hospital, child-care center, or nursing home. Get out and meet people. Make friends and enjoy life. Start today!

MAKE SURE MOM READS THIS COLUMN

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 13-year-old boy and I happen to love both of my parents. The problem is that my parents don't love each other and they keep saying they are going to get a divorce. My mom often gets mad at me and makes statements such as, "You're just as stubborn as your dad," or "You get your stupid behavior from your father." This makes me feel very upset because I actually enjoy being like my dad and I don't think he is stubborn or stupid and neither am I. I'd like to hear what you have to say about this. — Sad, Ames, Iowa.

SAD: Mom really doesn't mean what she is saying. It's just a way she can take out the frustration that builds inside her because of a troubled marriage.

Don't show your anger or argue with her when she makes these unwise statements. It will only make things worse.

Remember that you are not the cause of your parents' problems, and you should not be drawn in to take sides in their discussions. Make sure mom reads this column.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.