DR. WALLACE: I'd like to address this letter to the young lady who was suffering physical and emotional abuse from a guy she supposedly loved. Thanks for telling her to end the relationship immediately and to contact authorities if he ever places one finger on her in an act of aggression. I'd like to share my experience with her.
First of all, I'm not so sure you actually love this batterer. It's possible that you might be insecure and afraid to walk away from this guy and to start over. Every time you are abused physically or emotionally, this guy also abuses your self-esteem, and that is exactly what he wants — for you to feel bad about yourself.
A battered self-esteem can only be mended when the physical abuse ends. I know what I'm talking about. My high school "sweetheart" abused me physically, but I thought he would stop after we were married. He promised that he would, but that didn't happen.
So after nearly 10 years of being battered, I finally got the courage to leave him. That day I left him was one of the greatest days of my life, only falling behind the births of my three daughters.
It's now been 14 great years since I gained the courage to divorce the father of my children. My three girls are well-adjusted and doing well in school. Two are in college and the third will be a high school graduate this June and will attend college in September.
So, young lady, please take Dr. Wallace's advice and get away from this monster immediately. Yes, he will promise never to abuse you again, but somehow he will never keep that promise.
Once you leave him, you will reflect back and wonder what took you so long to start living. — Jessica, South Bend, Ind.
JESSICA: I applaud you for having the courage to talk about this difficult experience and reach out to help others. Until relatively recently, domestic abuse was hidden from view, a thing too shameful to be discussed. At last, women are talking about it, bringing it out into the open, and helping to end the isolation of those trapped in abusive relationships.
Your letter will help other women to consider their options and to improve their lives and also the lives of their children.
MALE VOICE COMES ALL AT ONCE
DR. WALLACE: I'm 12 years old and sing in the choir. I have a good singing voice and can hit the high notes, but that is my problem. I also talk in a high tone and my voice hasn't even started to get lower. I'm really getting worried about this. While I enjoy hitting the high notes when I sing, I'd rather have a lower speaking voice. Sometimes people giggle when I start talking.
Is there anything (but not surgery) that I can do to make my speaking voice lower? - Nameless, Toledo, Ohio.
NAMELESS: First of all, please accept my congratulations on your singing voice. I hope it's enough to compensate for getting teased by fools about your speaking voice.
Don't worry, your voice will change — you just may have to wait a bit. Adolescence is a time of transformation. Boys and girls turn into young men and women. Sometimes the process is slow and gradual. At first, just a few whiskers will show up on your cheeks and chin, for instance. But eventually, you'll have to shave every day.
However, some of the changes you experience will be abrupt. Male voice change comes all at once, with no warning. One morning you'll wake up and discover that your high-pitched voice is history. Suddenly your pitch will be deep, like an adult's. You will still be able to sing in the choir, but instead of being a tenor, you will be a baritone or a bass!
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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