DR. WALLACE: I'm a senior in high school, I've already been accepted to a good college and I've got a nice game plan for my future.

Not only am I busy with sports and extracurricular activities, but I've stayed out of trouble for my entire four years of high school.

You would think my parents would be overjoyed and exceedingly proud of me. They are proud to a point, but they spend a big part of their energy criticizing me for the one thing I'm not great at: keeping my room clean and presentable!

I will readily admit that my room does look like a train wreck about 80% of the time. I'll make a dent so that it only looks like a minor derailment for a few days until the buildup resumes.

It's just not my thing, and I'm so busy that I rarely have the time or energy to clean with everything else that's going on in my life. Since this is my only true area of poor performance, don't you feel that I should be allowed some slack? My parents hound me almost daily about this, and even occasionally ground me when it grows beyond my usual state of chaos. I think they are overreacting. — My Room Should Not Be My Life Priority, via email

MY ROOM SHOULD NOT BE MY LIFE PRIORITY: I'll agree with you slightly that your room should not be your main life priority right now, but overall I side with your parents.

Keeping your room clean and organized, especially when instructed to do so, is important on many levels. Your presentation and hygiene flow from your room and it's important to take pride in these things.

Beyond the hygiene and organization factors, self-discipline is a skill that is quite valuable in cleaning your room at regular intervals. It exercises the associated mental muscles. In fact, there are whole books written about how an organized life is best achieved by starting with making your bed in the morning.

My suggestion is to take your parents' cajoling seriously. Force yourself to clean your room at regular intervals, challenging your mind to figure out the most efficient way to do so. This will save you time, build self-esteem and allow you to focus your mind on all of the other important aspects of your life.

MY MOM TREATS ME LIKE I'M STILL A CHILD

DR. WALLACE: I am a 15-year-old girl, and my mom told me I would be allowed to date somewhere between 15 1/2 and 16 years old, depending on how she felt at the time.

I already know that she's going to push me back until I turn 16, since she won't let me do almost anything right now, and I'm only three months from turning 15 1/2! She tries to keep me at home a lot and won't let me hang out at the mall with my friends, even on Saturday afternoons.

Of course, I want to start dating as soon as I'm allowed to, but I already feel like I'm missing out on a lot of social time with my other friends who have more lenient parents than my mother.

How can I get her to lighten up, trust me more and allow me at least a bit of reasonable freedom? It's not like I am a 12- or 13-year-old! I feel like I'm developing into a young adult and no longer a simple child. — My Mom Stifles My Freedom, via email

MY MOM STIFLES MY FREEDOM: In my opinion, the two best things you can do are to make your requests in small increments and simultaneously involve your mother in your life as much as you possibly can. Talk to her regularly and make sure you introduce all of the friends you want to hang out with to her so that she can build a comfort level with them.

Beyond that, it would be wise for your friends to have their parents introduce themselves to your mother. Parents are often much more likely to allow some personal freedom and leniency for their teenagers when they have confidence in where they're going to be and who they're going to be with. Like it or not, your mom will be making her decisions in large part via the comfort she has or does not have with the parents of your friends. The sooner you can arrange some introductions, the more likely you will be to gain gradual increments of freedom and responsibility.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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