DR. WALLACE: A local Italian restaurant out by the interstate in our area has a band playing on Friday and Saturday nights. Everyone enjoys going there from time to time.
Several members of my extended family went there last Saturday night. My boyfriend of eight months is a varsity athlete and had a game in another city, so I wasn't planning on seeing him that evening.
After dinner, I danced with one of my male cousins on the dance floor — just kind of goofing around since we have been good pals since we were kids.
My boyfriend and a couple of his friends randomly came into the restaurant after they returned to town, and he happened to see me on the dance floor with my cousin. According to his friends, they all left immediately, and he was fuming.
The next Monday at school, he walked up to me and told me he was breaking up with me because he saw me dancing with another guy on Saturday night.
I tried to explain that it was a platonic dance with my cousin, but he wouldn't listen to me, and he just walked away. He hasn't spoken to me for a full week. I don't feel like I did anything wrong. What should I do? — He Misunderstood the Situation, via email
HE MISUNDERSTOOD THE SITUATION: It sounds to me like your boyfriend is being unreasonable. He may or may not have anger management issues, but he definitely is extremely jealous and possessive of you and quite hardheaded.
The fact that he wouldn't even listen to you speaks volumes. You were in the middle of a family event, and your actions with your cousin were entirely platonic and normal.
He has demonstrated a bright red flag by not listening to you or holding an adult conversation with you. At some point, I trust the two of you will talk to one another again, but my advice is to tread carefully going forward. If you elect to continue seeing him, you must call out his bad behavior and get his guarantee that he will never assume anything without speaking to you directly first. And if he breaks that rule, you should move on from the relationship.
I DON'T LIKE MY GIVEN NAME
DR. WALLACE: I'm a 16-year-old guy, and I've been attending a new school in a new area since just before Thanksgiving.
I never really liked my given first name, and I used this opportunity to create a new identity for myself. I told both students and teachers I prefer to be called by a nickname, .
For the past several months, my parents were unaware of this, but they ran into the parents of one of my friends, so my secret finally reached my father's ears.
He was unamused, and his first instinct was to ground me for two weeks, but fortunately, my mother talked him out of it. He did tell me that he wants me to be called by my given name at school going forward. I didn't argue with him, but I didn't promise him that I would do that either.
So far, I've said nothing to any of my classmates or any of my teachers about changing my name. Am I justified in following my heart, or must I follow my father's wishes? — I Prefer My New Nickname, via email
I PREFER MY NEW NICKNAME: I don't see how requesting that your friends at school call you by a nickname is a problem.
Your father would be wise to dial back the pressure he's putting on you as it doesn't seem to serve any constructive purpose. Many people prefer to be called by different names or even their middle name rather than their first given name.
Explain to your father that you mean no disrespect, but your name is an extremely personal thing and you enjoy being called that at school. Trust me; many parents would gladly trade some of their problems with their teenagers for the one you and your father are presently dealing with.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
Photo credit: Ardian Lumi at Unsplash
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