DR. WALLACE: I'm 13 and kind of shy. Recently, a teacher at school told me that I need to have more self-esteem. I think self-esteem means I should brag about myself more and act like I'm impressive in front of other people.

It's not my nature to be the type of person who brags, so I'm not sure if I can do what my teacher is suggesting. I see several other kids at school who are very full of themselves, and to be honest with you, I don't want to be like them. If that's self-esteem, it's overrated. They come across as conceited.

Why would a teacher tell me to act like that? — I'm Not a Conceited Person, via email

I'M NOT A CONCEITED PERSON: Your teacher was referring to how you feel about yourself, which is self-esteem, rather than bragging about yourself or being conceited.

Individuals with good self-esteem have self-confidence and value their self-worth. They often believe they can achieve goals and be competent in many areas of life. Think of it more as a sign of inner confidence.

It may be worth visiting your school's counseling office and explaining your teacher's comment to a counselor. Ask all of your questions regarding self-esteem, what level of self-esteem you're at today and how you can elevate yourself-esteem going forward. This is an important topic, so I would encourage you to follow through on this suggestion.

MY BOYFRIEND EMBARRASSES ME IN PUBLIC

DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and have had a new boyfriend these past three months. He's a great guy on many levels, and we get along quite well when we're alone.

However, it seems to me that when we're out in public, especially when some of his friends are nearby, he likes to put on a show so that they will see him hugging me, kissing me and even groping me a bit.

This makes me feel beyond uncomfortable, and what's strange is that he doesn't do this when we're alone. When it's just the two of us, he's more respectful, slow and delicate. Even when he's giving me a hug or a kiss in public and his friends can see, he tends to exaggerate every physical move he makes towards me.

Why is he doing this, and what can I do about it? — It's Beyond Embarrassing, via email

IT'S BEYOND EMBARRASSING: Your boyfriend is likely acting out in front of his friends so that he can boast later about how secure and romantic your relationship with him is. He may also be doing this to impress his friends, or perhaps he may be nervous about the strength of your relationship and wish to ward off other boys from attempting to speak with you or ask you out.

My recommendation is to confront him directly one-one-on-one about this during a quiet time. Mention that this makes you feel uncomfortable and that you would appreciate it if he would consistently treat you in a tasteful manner, especially in public.

Relationship partners should always listen to and do their best to please the other person as long as those requests are legal, moral and reasonable. In your case, your request is entirely logical and normal. Allow him to listen to you and watch his future actions. His compliance or lack thereof to your request should be enlightening.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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