DR. WALLACE: I'm a young lady who just turned 20 and I attend a college near my hometown. I have a guy friend who went to my high school, and we've known each other well since we were 16.

For years and years, we've been platonic friends. But lately, he's really grown into a man from a guy who kind of was a nerdy boy way back then. His character is fantastic and he's very bright at school as well. I've noticed that in the last month I've started to daydream about dating him in a "serious" way.

Since we are very close friends, I know that he's dated several girls on and off but never had a truly serious relationship. I also know that he is in between relationships right now.

My dilemma is that I'd like to go out on a real date with him, but I don't want to disrupt our friendship or make him feel uncomfortable in any way. Should I say anything directly to him about how I currently feel? Or should I just stifle my feelings and keep him as a "friend only" kind of guy so that I won't ever lose him as a friend? — My feelings have changed, via email

MY FEELINGS HAVE CHANGED: Your question and the dilemma you're facing now is actually much more common than you might ever imagine. Over the years, I've received and printed in this column many letters from guys and girls mentioning situations loosely similar to the one you are experiencing right now.

I've also received tremendous feedback to those same letters over the years, and usually, the feedback expressed great encouragement for the friends to "go for it." Many were writing in with firsthand experience at having eventually dated a person who was originally their platonic best friend.

One great thing about updating a best friend, if that were to happen, is that there is already a tremendous common bond and a great baseline of a trusted, honest friendship emanating from both parties.

Yes, the actual execution of commencing a formal date is indeed a very tricky situation to figure out. Therefore, I suggest a truly mild and gradual approach rather than a comment just blurting out immediate desire that might catch the other party off guard.

Perhaps you can arrange a few outings together beyond what you normally have done in the past. This can provide a subtle clue that you're interested in a bit more but leaves plenty of bandwidth and margin of safety for your friend to proceed at his own pace accordingly. You can drop a few more subtle hints like water droplets on a sponge to see how they are absorbed.

Another idea would be to ask around your other circles of family, friends and acquaintances to see if you can find an example of two platonic best friends who eventually successfully dated and even married quite happily. This story can be rolled out at a time you feel might be appropriate to judge the reaction you get to it. It's always easier to give an example of someone else's situation so that you can keep your own situation out of the spotlight of pressure.

If things are meant to be, I trust you'll gradually see an evolution in that direction. If not, you should still be able to maintain a tremendous friend for life as a wonderful consolation prize.

SHOULD I SAY ANYTHING TO CLEAR MY CONSCIENCE?

DR. WALLACE: A group of girls and I attended a slumber party at another friend's house last weekend. I got invited via a mutual friend even though I had never met the host girl before. I believe there were about 12 girls there overnight. I didn't know the girl who hosted the party too well, but her parents certainly had a really nice, big house, with plenty of rooms and even an area to view movies that could hold up to 15 people.

Her parents gave us a lot of good food and special desserts, and we played some fun games. I thought the night went really well even though I didn't know the hostess too well. Then I found out at school a week later that there were rumors that certain items were missing from this nice house. I never found out what specific items they were talking about, but apparently, everybody who attended the party was under suspicion, and therefore that also included me.

Nobody put any pressure on me, and no one said anything directly to me, but I felt bad for several days about this. Then one day last week, I heard from another acquaintance who said that the whole situation was simply a misunderstanding as the item they thought might have been taken away from the house was simply moved to an upstairs attic so that it wouldn't become broken in case the slumber party girls had started a pillow fight or any roughhousing.

My question is, should I approach the girl who threw this party and tell her I'm glad that everything worked out and that her family found their expensive item? I'm thinking of doing this so that I could relieve my mind of feeling like a suspect since I know I did nothing wrong. I also would kind of like to talk to this girl directly again so that she would know that I'm not hiding from her like I was guilty of doing something. — Slumber party attendee, via email

SLUMBER PARTY ATTENDEE: Yes, you should approach this girl who was the hostess of the slumber party who invited you through mutual friends to her party. But do not say a word about the rumors you heard. Instead, simply tell her that you had a wonderful time, and that you really enjoyed visiting her family's nice home. Mention that you enjoyed meeting her and the other girls at the party. Smile and give her a small hug if you feel that's appropriate. And that's it! Don't say anything further since you don't know the source, accuracy or content of the rumors.

All you know is that you did nothing wrong and that you had a great time. Share your appreciation with this girl and you'll feel good about things, as you rightly should.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: pixel2013 at Pixabay