DR. WALLACE: I'm a 22-year-old female who is applying to medical school because I've always wanted to pursue a career as a surgeon. I've worked hard and made some sacrifices over my high school and undergraduate college days in order to pursue my chosen profession.

I'd like to be a surgeon because I would really like to make a big difference in the world with the time I allocate toward my work each week. However, at some point in the future I would like to have kids and start a family, but I've been told that I won't have time to be both a good surgeon and a good mom.

Does pursuing my dream job mean I might have to sacrifice becoming a mother someday? — I'd Like Them Both, via email

I'D LIKE THEM BOTH: The key phrase that jumped off the page in your letter was, "I've been told..." Who has told you this, and why are you taking this comment at face value? For a young lady who possesses obviously wonderful dreams and aspirations, I'm surprised you'd be this concerned about this issue so early in your life and career. You've succeeded this far with your drive, hard work and effort. You can apply these same principles toward balancing your home and family life when the time actually arrives.

To start with, I think it's great that you have these dual tracks of dreams to pursue. When you find the right person to start a family with, simply approach building, nurturing and sustaining your family life in a similar manner to pursuing your career. The key obviously is going to be good time management skills and pulling back a bit on your career in order to free up some time for your family life. You'll need to plan ahead for time away from work during pregnancy plus time to care for each newborn child.

Assuming you achieve your career goal, simply plan some time off on a regular basis in order to be able to balance your life and schedule when the time comes. You can even begin practicing creating extra time in your schedule before you actually start a family.

Also realize that a great asset to help you along would be to achieve a degree of financial security. Set up both a savings and investment plan even before you become a surgeon. Start saving money now and even investing small amounts of your assets in either a traditional IRA account or a Roth IRA account. Having a cash savings account and a retirement account that begins to grow even now will create a great start. And once your surgeon paychecks come in, you'll be in the habit of fully funding your savings and retirement accounts.

These financial assets may well provide you an element of flexibility with your work schedule once you start a family as well. And you'll also soon learn that it's expensive to run a growing family's budget, so hone your budgeting skills right now as well.

HE'S GONE SO MUCH OF THE TIME!

DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend travels a lot for work, and so we don't get to spend as much time together as I would like. When he's not on the road, he does spend a good portion of his free time with me, and we do some fun things together locally. He treats me well, so sometimes I feel bad that I'm expecting more from him even though he's only doing what his job requires him to do.

There are so many places I want to go with him and things that I want us to do, but our schedules rarely align and so it feels like we never have time. I don't want to give up on the relationship, but I'm starting to even feel angry about things I know aren't in his control. And I'll admit that the first time I even realized that what I was feeling was anger, I felt pretty bad and sheepish about my reaction to this subject.

How can I have a better attitude about his many work obligations? — Want More Time With Him, via email

WANT MORE TIME WITH HIM: Begin by being grateful for what you do have. You have a guy who sounds like he's quite a catch, and he treats you very well during that time you do have together.

Keep in mind work obligations tend to go in cycles, so at some point his schedule may make it better in terms of more time near your home base. Even if he still must travel regularly, the two of you might discuss having you meet him on his last workday, perhaps a Friday, and spend the weekend together in that town, returning home the following week. This would allow him to get his work done and concentrate on his job, but also to spend some fun time with you in a new city that he would have been able to scope out a few days ahead of your trip.

Good relationships with people who treat us well and respect us are not so easy to find, so if I were in your shoes, I would do my best to make the most of this relationship even though it's not perfect in terms of time spent together right now. As long as the interpersonal dynamics between the two of you remain strong and you cooperatively work together on the relationship, I feel you have an excellent chance to grow together over time.

If at some point you do feel you need to exit the relationship, that's fine, but unless you're under any immediate time pressure at this point, I would continue to make the best of it and simply tell him what you told me in terms of wanting to spend a little more time together whenever possible.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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