DR. WALLACE: I'm always wondering where underage teens get the alcohol they end up drinking. Almost all establishments that sell alcohol won't sell to young people unless they have proof they're at least 21 years old. Do they steal it from their parents, or do they have another adult purchase it for them? It appears to me that teens seeking alcohol oftentimes have little problem getting it. My 17-year-old son was actually given beer by his best friend's stepfather. This made me unhappy, to say the least.

In your experience, how do you think most teens acquire alcohol? It seems that quite a few seek it. It seems they are curious about how they will feel once they try it, and they all seem to believe they can handle it — before even trying it for the first time. I have heard too many sad stories about teens and alcohol to simply look the other way. — Unhappy Mother, via email

UNHAPPY MOTHER: It's true that underage drinkers quite often have little problem getting alcohol. According to letters I have received over the years, I'd say that about two thirds of teens who drink are given alcohol by their parents or other adults. This is a very troubling fact. I've even had parents tell me they gave their underage teens alcohol in their home since, "It's better for them to drink at home that out somewhere they could really get in trouble."

Like you, unhappy mother, I have had the sad experience of reading about several sad stories involving teens and alcohol. I've counseled parents who have lost their children in automobile crashes where the cause was a teen driver who had consumed alcohol before getting behind the wheel.

For many reasons, I firmly stand behind the law and do not believe in any adult encouraging or providing a teen with access to alcohol. So much can go wrong, and, tragically, it often does. Thank you for your letter, I firmly agree with you on this topic.

ADJUSTING TO A NEW STEPPARENT TAKES TIME

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 13-year-old girl and live with my mother and new stepfather. My mother and father were divorced one year ago. I mostly liked living with my real dad, but too often, he wasn't a good husband or a good father, especially when he would start drinking. He is an alcoholic, and he was out of control most of the time he drank. My mother is a teacher, but my dad didn't have a steady job. He drifted in and out of several construction jobs, but he would always end up getting fired for missing work or being very late too often. He had many "bad hangovers" that he said made it too hard for him to go to work.

After my parents divorced, my dad moved to Canada, and he kept in touch with me, on and off, for about a year. But now has not made any contact with me at all for the last nine months.

My mother recently remarried, and my new stepfather is also a teacher and seems like a nice guy. He's also divorced and has two sons, but they live with their mother. Our house is peaceful, and I like that, but I haven't made up my mind if I will ever be close to my stepfather. I'm finding it difficult to accept him as a family member, and I'm not sure that I will ever accept him as my stepfather. Right now, I could never call him Dad. It would just feel too weird, and he still seems like a stranger to me. Don't get me wrong, he's an OK guy, but I kind of like keeping my distance from him.

I am glad he is nice to my mom and me. It's just that I don't have a good feeling about him for some reason. What do you think is making me think this way? — Distant Stepdaughter, via email

DISTANT STEPDAUGHTER: It takes time to develop respect and positive feelings for a new stepparent. It takes patience and everyone's constant best efforts to have open and honest communications for a "stepfamily" to effectively blend. A common adjustment period for a stepparent and child usually takes two years, as the bonding process is gradual. Don't try to hurry things along.

Also, if a misunderstanding ever arises, never feel things are your fault. It's likely just part of the adjustment process, which naturally takes time. Keep smiling, and remember that your stepfather is also in a new role and could be having the same emotions as you are. Also realize that, in your case, he is likely trying his best to gradually fit into your life. You did say he acts nice to you and your mother, so it sounds like he is off to a good start.

The best way I can advise you to evaluate the progress your stepfather is making with you is to encourage you to focus on how respectful he is to you, how well he respects your privacy and how available he makes himself to you if you ask him a question or for a favor (such as a ride to the mall or to a friend's house).

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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