DR. WALLACE: I'm a teenage girl and I always read your column. I was really upset when you told a girl to "narc" on her 15-year-old brother, who was beginning to use alcohol and pot.

I also have an older teenage brother who is 16 and we have always been very close. He has just recently started to try alcohol and pot, but I would never narc on him! We are very close and I think he's just going through a rebellious stage and experimenting with this stuff. My brother trusts me not to nark on him and if I did, I'd lose my brother forever because he'd never talk to me again.

Telling a teen to narc on a sibling is not good advice, so please change your mind and set teens straight about this. — Nameless, Riverside, Calif.

NAMELESS: Would you keep quiet, or would you tell your parents if you knew that your brother was experimenting with the highly addictive and dangerous drugs such as heroin or cocaine? And what would you do if you knew that he was breaking into homes to help finance his bad habits?

You are too caught up with the extremely negative word "narc." If you tell your parents about your brother's behavior, your actions could be called "saving his life" rather than simply "turning him in."

The brother of the girl who wrote to me was already flirting with two highly addictive substances. I advised her to tell her parents what he was doing, not to "narc" on him and get him into trouble (he was already in danger) — but to rescue him!

HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY

DR. WALLACE: I'm a 19 year-old high school graduate and am employed full-time at a large supermarket. I lacked self-esteem in high school and wasn't very popular. But since I've been working I've learned to do my job well and I interact with the customers in a positive way. This has caused me to be noticed by the management and my self-esteem is much improved.

I met a great guy who also works for the same supermarket and we have been dating for the past three months. We hit it off the first time we met and we have grown very close. I care for him very much and I know he feels the same about me. He is 20 years old and is working to earn money so he can attend college full time in the fall.

He has been very honest about his past and told me that when he and his former girlfriend were both only 17, he got her pregnant and he married her to give the baby his name. Then when the baby was six months old they divorced and she married her new boyfriend. So Ted now has custody of his son who is 2 years old and his parents take care of him while Ted is at work.

My parents are very strict, and since I still live at home, they keep a watchful eye on me. They know I'm dating Ted, but they don't yet know that he's divorced and has custody of his 2-year-old son. I feel I should tell them about Ted's past, but I'm worried that if I told them about it they would not want me to see him anymore. But this will not be an option because I am in love with both Ted and his son.

Do you think I should tell my parents now or wait until they get to know Ted better? Please give me your best advice as this is very important to me. — Nameless, Crown Point, Ind.

NAMELESS: Sometimes you just have to act on faith and principle. In this case the principle is: Honesty is the best policy.

Don't try to finesse this guy's past history and current circumstances around your parents, or wait for a perfect time to tell them. This discussion will be difficult whenever you have it — but it's crucial they hear about him from you, not from someone else. The longer you wait, the more likely this will happen.

When you discuss this with your parents, emphasize your love for Ted and how much he's changed, and how responsible he has become. Allow them to react to the news and don't be defensive. Your chances of success will be far greater if you display a calm maturity with them.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Sten Dueland