DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and attend a very small church. We only have about 35 members, one of whom is a 23-year-old guy. He has a crush on me and wants to take me out. My parents say it's up to me. They also are not concerned that he was in prison for three years because they strongly believe that a person's sins can be forgiven. He was sent to prison for residential burglary and most of our church members feel that he deserves a fresh start in life.

I'm really not so sure that I want to go out with this guy, but I feel if I turn him down, it will hurt his self-esteem, and hinder his acceptance back into society as a trusted citizen. What do you think I should do? Please answer my letter. This is very important to me. — Confused, Montgomery, Ala.

CONFUSED: Do not go out with him — not because he is an ex-convict, but because he is much too old for you. And your parents should be telling you this, not a newspaper columnist!

Yes, a young man who has gone astray in life deserves a second chance, but a 16-year-old girl should not be asked to be the point person in his recovery! In no way are you responsible for his self-esteem. If you are feeling the least bit of pressure from other church members to be this guy's salvation, Mom and Dad had better find a new church.

REFUSE TO PLAY HER GAME

DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and so is my boyfriend, Zack. He is a great guy and we have lots of fun together. I love him very much and I know he loves me.

Megan is my very best friend and I love her like a sister. We have been best friends since kindergarten. Once in a while, if Megan doesn't have a date, the three of us go to a movie together.

A couple of weeks ago, there was a new movie that we were all dying to see, so we asked Megan to join us. It was a great movie, but Zack and Megan got into a real shouting match at the restaurant after the movie. I was really embarrassed and insisted that we leave.

The next couple of times we went out Megan said she was busy and she couldn't go. Then she finally came over to my house and said the reason she didn't want to go with us was that she hates Zack. Now she wants me to break up with Zack or we can't be friends any more. Now I don't know what I should do. I love Zack, but I also love my friend Megan. I spoke with Zack and he said his disagreement with Megan was stupid and he's willing to apologize to her. When I told her this, she said she doesn't want an apology. Please tell me what I should do, — Nameless, Kansas City, Mo.

NAMELESS: Megan has put you in a tough spot from which there is only one way out: Refuse to play her game. That means you should tell Megan there is no way you will make the choice she is trying to impose on you.

My hunch is that things are bothering Megan that have nothing to do with you or Zack, but the argument the two of them had has become a stand-in for all her troubles. It may be that joining the two of you on dates makes her feel like a third wheel.

Stop trying to organize threesomes for a while and get together with Megan one-on-one. Make her understand that you value her friendship and will not let it end because she's angry at Zack, but by no means do you intend to choose her over Zack.

Sooner or later, she will come to her senses. Give it time. Don't push her to reconcile with Zack. She might do so when she begins to feel better about herself.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Sompop S