DR. WALLACE: Some of my friends get paid by their parents for good grades. When I brought this up to my parents, they just laughed at me! They said I should want to achieve good grades for my own purposes, not to try to cash in on a bit more spending money.

I debated my father for 20 minutes on this topic, and at the end of our discussion he told me to think of a few creative incentives that would not simply be cash for grades, and that he would at least take a good look at my ideas. I thought it might be fruitful to enlist you to help me with my ideas. Do you have any for me? — Interested in Incentives, via email

INTERESTED IN INCENTIVES: I'm sure given your age and social circle that you'll be able to check in to see if your friends can give you some good ideas as well.

But since you asked me, I'd like to give you a few ideas to consider. Perhaps you could garner the use of the family car at certain times that it might be available if you hit your academic targets?

You could also ask your parents for a few extra study accessories that can make your study time more productive. Do you need a new desk lamp? An updated laptop computer, or even a hand-me-down one? Also, think about notebooks, cellphones, art supplies and even enrollment in local workshops in a field that you have interest in.

Finally, you could ask your parents to allow you to work a few hours at a job in the evening so that you could earn your own money if your grades are solid and you have proven that you have free time that you can use to work. You might also consider the idea that you ask your parents to network for you to find you a good internship that you would enjoy. You may or may not get paid money as an intern, but you will be paid in knowledge and experience.

I'M SO ASHAMED

DR. WALLACE: I know I'm in a bad relationship. but I've just dealt with it for over a year now because I have pretty low self-esteem. My so-called boyfriend runs me down verbally a lot and tells me that I better be careful and do what he says or he'll dump me, and that nobody else will ever ask me out, much less date me more than once. He also calls me names and tells me I am not the least bit intelligent, which is not true.

I feel so ashamed that I allow this to continue, but I feel powerless to stop it for some reason. The days go by and things remain the same. For a while, I hoped he would eventually change and treat me better once we were a couple for a long period of time, but if anything, time has only made him worse, not better. What can I do? — Unhappy but Still With Him, via email

UNHAPPY BUT STILL WITH HIM: Dump him as soon as you read this advice! In all seriousness, this will be a very good move for you. First of all, you'll get yourself out from under his inhumane behavior toward you.

Best of all, dumping him will be a very empowering event for you. Your self-esteem will advance several meaningful notches when you do this. And if he gets mad or talks down to you as you dump him, simply smile and stay calm. Explain to him that you've been doing a lot of thinking about the relationship (which you have) and that you've decided that you absolutely deserve better, but that you wish him well in life going forward.

Think about how good you will feel if you are the one to end things on your terms. I suggest that you even practice your delivery a few times so that you'll be comfortable with what you plan to say. This will absolutely help you when you do inform him that you're moving on.

And once you do leave him, take time to congratulate yourself. This move will be empowering for you, and from the moment you leave him you will be ever closer to a new and much better relationship.

Don't delay, since you won't be in a position to move forward with other decent people until you end things with this unsavory person. You deserve much better, so do this for yourself right away. His behavior for an extended period of time tells you that you are currently on a one-way, dead-end street. Get out of there.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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