DR. WALLACE: Our 16-year-old daughter is dating a boy who is in his first year of study at a community college. He is a very respectable young man who does not smoke, drink, or use drugs.

The problem for my husband and me is that our daughter and her boyfriend spend an inordinate amount of time with each other. They see each other every day, and on the weekends spend up to 12 hours a day together. That means that we don't get the opportunity to see our daughter very often, and doing things as a family has become a rarity.

Whenever I try to bring up the subject of spending less time with her boyfriend, we end up in an argument. She says she's happy when she's with her boyfriend and accuses me of trying to stifle her happiness by limiting the time she spends with him. She reminds me that she is a 4.0 student and that often, when they are together, they are studying.

Are we being unreasonable parents for wanting our daughter to spend some time with us? She is our only child and we love her very much. Her happiness is very important to us. Should we demand that she spend less time with her boyfriend, or just accept things the way they are? — Mother, Cape Coral, Fla.

MOTHER: I agree that your daughter is spending too much time with her boyfriend, not simply because she's depriving you of seeing her as often as you like, but also because, at age 16, she ought to be spreading her wings and developing a wide range of interests. Another person's company can be almost addictive; if she can't enjoy herself unless she's with her boyfriend, that's a signal she may be "addicted" to him.

You are the parents and you must set the rules. Set a reasonable limit on the time they spend together each week. When you do so, make sure your daughter understands that you like and respect her boyfriend and are not punishing her. Stand firm in the face of her tears and carrying on, and she'll understand that you are serious — and that you are coming from a position of love, not arbitrary authority.

Perhaps you should discuss the matter with both your daughter and her boyfriend. Let them state their case, but be sure they listen to yours. You must have the final say!

BE HAPPY AND EXPECT LIFE TO GET BETTER

DR. WALLACE: I'd like to respond to Mindy, the college sophomore who found it of "utmost importance" to have a boyfriend. I understand that if her girlfriends have boyfriends it will be difficult to spend time with them, but searching for a boyfriend is not the solution.

Instead, she should make friends with students who enjoy being "single." It rarely works to go out searching for a boyfriend. Lasting relationships tend to come when a young lady is enjoying her life. If Mindy meets guys expecting friendship and good conversation, it will be easier to find Mr. Right. The best relationships tend to come when a person is already happy and least expects for life to get better.— Lisa, Salt Lake City, Utah.

LISA: Wonderful advice! Thanks for reminding us that "good things" can happen when people are busy enjoying their lives.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Jeremy Segrott