DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and smoke more than a pack of cigarettes a day. I'm also overweight and I would like to improve my health. I want to quit smoking and lose my excess weight. But if I try to quit smoking, I'm afraid I'll gain more weight, and if I try to lose weight, I'll be so nervous that I'll smoke even more than a pack a day.

Since I know that it would be impossible to quit smoking and try to lose weight at the same time, I need to know which to do first. Can you help? — Jody, Geneva, Ill.

JODY: I spoke with a counselor at the American Cancer Society, and she informed me that it would be better to concentrate on stopping your smoking habit first. This will take a lot of willpower. If you need a helping hand, stop by a Cancer Society office and ask for literature that can provide you with useful information on eliminating tobacco products from your life.

ARE ALL MEN JERKS?

DR. WALLACE: I'm writing in response to the letter from a girl who wanted to know why most men are jerks. She seemed to think that they were, and I agree.

From reviewing the men I know, starting with my dad who used to beat my mother, and my brother who batters his wife, to my son who doesn't hit his girlfriend, but does not treat her very nice, I would say most men are jerks. I was lucky to have the self-respect to divorce my own husband early on when I discovered his mean streak.

I think the answer is not to rush into a marriage until you are absolutely sure that your potential spouse is even-tempered and knows how to communicate with his brain instead of his fists! — Sandy, St. Louis, Mo.

SANDY: Are some guys considered to be jerks? Of course, some are, and some are even worse than jerks. Mother Nature gave males more physical strength than females, and by nature, men are usually more aggressive and violent than women. And some men who are real jerks take unfair advantage of these traits.

The majority of humans, out of pure frustration, say and do a few things they regret, but they apologize and go on to live "jerk-free" lives. It's important to learn to control one's temper and walk away when the first word of a "yelling match" is uttered. Then when both parties are calmer, the situation can be discussed and solved in a civilized manner.

YOUR MOTHER IS MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE

DR. WALLACE: I have just found out some family information that has made me very disappointed, and I'm mad as can be at my mother and the man I thought was my biological father. I'm 18 and will be in college next year. I recently found out that my mother was an unwed mother and married the man I called dad all my life when I was eight months old. I also found out that my brother is really my half-brother. I was applying for a job and I was looking for my birth certificate in the "important papers" file when I saw my mother's marriage license and learned the truth.

When I confronted my mom and asked to know who my real dad was, she told me to calm down and that I really didn't need to know because we are a "family" now.

Dr. Wallace, I feel I should know who my real father is. If I should ever have a medical problem, it could help if I had his information. If he is still alive, I may want to meet him and bring him into my life. Do you think I am being unfair to my mom and stepfather by demanding that his identity be revealed to me? — Nameless, Knoxville, Ill.

NAMELESS: You are of age, and it is important to you to find out all the information possible regarding your birth father. That doesn't mean that you love your mother and stepfather any less. However, keeping you in the dark was definitely a huge mistake.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.